The crying game

I was very tired last night and so I retired to bed early, around 11pm. However, I could not fall asleep. So I read some magazines but it still did not put me to sleep. I dun feel like watching TV so I took out my PSP.



I am presently playing PSP, Justice League. The game was quite fun. it was okay, but not as great as compared to God of War.

I have played for about a few hours till 3am when I went to the kitchen to get a drink. And that reminded me of Gin. She used to follow me into the kitchen if I got up at night. And this time, she was not there.

She just was not there! Then it dawned on me that she is no more. She is now only a pile of ashes and dust. And I would never see or hold her again.

The fact struck me like a tonne of bricks and tears started to fall. By the time, I got back to bed, I was crying and crying and I just could not stop.

Frankly, I thought I was over this. That I had no more tears. I had told me myself that I would not cry anymore. And the last few days, I didn't. But last night, I just cried and cried. Tears keep coming out of my eyes. Tears I thought I dun have.

SO was next in bed, sleeping. He slept like a pig and did not hear a thing. I must have cried for about half an hour or so. I could not sleep. So I continued playing my psp game. On and off, I could not quite focus on the game. My thoughts occasionally drifted to Gin and tears just fell.

With Gin gone, I felt no one love me anymore. I never felt so alone and unloved. I used to busk in the warmth of Gin's love and now I felt nothing.

I simply felt so pathetic and sorry for myself.

I have been with SO for so many years, over ten years. When you have been in a relationship for that long, you dun fall in love, you simply loved. Sometimes, I can't feel SO love for me. The way I felt Gin's love.

As I am typing this, I am crying again. Not big sobs like last night. Just a little crying.