Breaking ties with the bitch who birth me!

This post is not appropriate for those who are filial or think they are filial. If you are anything of the above, please DO NOT read on.

If you read on, it implies that you are in agreement with my terms and conditions. That you would not judge or critise my thinkings and actions. You can keep them to yourselves.

I have disallowed any comments for this post (or maybe any other posts) cos I simply dun give a crap to anyone's feedback or whatever comments to this post.

--------------------------------

I am still feeling tired but better than what I felt earlier this week.

And then came the life drama of the month.

As usual, initiated by my very drama mama or better known to me as the BITCH who birthed me.

To be completed

Local Top Twitter

The Straits Times
17 April 2009

Schoolboy is top Twitterer here

He has more followers on twitter than rock star Bono. -ST

By Tan Weizhen

FEW people are likely to be too interested in the one-liners a 15-year-old Singapore schoolboy posts online about his life, his interests or his thoughts, except perhaps his parents, family and friends.

But Xavier Lur (twitter.com/techxav), in Secondary 3 at Maris Stella High, has corralled 54,567 netizens from the world over into following the updates he broadcasts on Twitter, a free social-networking utility big in the online world since last year.

With that number of 'followers' or friends, he is the top local Twitterer.

Irish rock star Bono has only a third as many.

Many politicians, showbiz people, athletes and ordinary netizens get on Twitter to offer updates on their lives; people become followers to get these updates, to stalk celebrities or simply to make friends the world over.

But why are almost 55,000 people 'following' the updates or 'tweets' put out by this Singapore schoolboy?

Xavier's popularity appears to stem from his knowledge about things tech and his tender years.

This self-described technology blogger puts out tweets on the latest tech trends, for example, the latest mobile phone applications.

His close friend Zhou Tong, 14, noted that Xavier has also put out tweets about the social networking site Facebook - ranging from tech tips on how to make one's profile more visually presentable to comments on Facebook's design revamp.

One tweet Xavier sent out announced that he and Zhou Tong were developing a 'social asking platform', which whipped up a flurry of excitement, say his followers. People were just intrigued that a 15-year-old could write a computer program for this.

Xavier said adults overseas are a big part of his audience, many keen on a peek into school life here.

Like any schoolboy, he has views on his teachers - some flattering, others less so, laced with some humour.

He describes his life as a Singapore student, including days he stays home from school for 'e-learning', his class trips and about creating class blogs.

Sometimes, his tweets are more personal, about his father's business trips.

Other days, he is plain mischievous, if also resourceful, and willing to share his ideas on how to save labour: 'Too lazy to write a Chinese composition titled Health Is More Important Than Wealth, so I used Google Translate to translate it from English.'

He is helpful, too, with tips like 'How to insert images in a word document without embedding', accompanied by a link to the actual method.

He has, in turn, used Twitter as a 24/7 helpdesk for getting answers to his own tech questions 'within a minute or so', and stirred debate among netizens with questions like 'Which programming language is the easiest to learn?'

He said that vitally, using Twitter has improved his communication skills and taught him about other cultures and 'the outside world'.

He grew his network of Twitter friends when he had time on his hands during a school break.

He now spends an hour online daily, sending out about 20 tweets, but still makes time for soccer, badminton, his friends, or even helping his mother with 'adult' tasks like submitting online passport applications.

Interestingly, his ambition has little to do with the tech world. He said that when he grows up, he wants to become a financial investor 'just like Warren Buffett, and maybe a psychologist'.

He has a younger brother who is keen on online computer games.

Fellow Twitterer Eric Chua, who follows Xavier for his tips, said the teen stands out for his useful tips, for example, on blogging and how to run online businesses.

Mr Chua, 27, and the owner of a start-up involved in video production and online publishing, is himself among the top five Twitterers here.

A distant second to Xavier, with 13,147 followers, he got on Twitter mainly to recruit suitably skilled people to join his start-up.

But Twittering is also about social networking. He has met chief executives, former politicians and authors online.

'The world is now flat,' he declared.

Of the other three top Twitterers, one is a social worker and two, Internet marketers.

Social worker and avid blogger John Yeo, with 5,676 followers, said he joined Twitter mainly to share blogging tips.

Sleeping on the job

New Paper
16 April 2009


Caught sleeping on the job

Traffic warden sacked

THE traffic warden parked his motorcycle, took off his white uniform shirt and hung it on the bike's handlebars.

He then lay on the ground near the bike and took a nap.

But someone saw the incident at a Jurong carpark, snapped pictures and posted them on Stomp on 16 Mar.



The warden was sacked by his employer, Certis Cisco.

A spokesman was quoted on Stomp as saying: 'Unacceptable behaviour such as sleeping on the job is a serious misconduct and carries a penalty of termination.

'At Certis Cisco, all our employees are committed to uphold high standards of professionalism, service excellence as well as exhibit other equally important core values such as care and integrity.

'We do not tolerate any behaviour that runs counter to these values.'


Suntec security guard not 'feeling well'

HER arms were folded and her head was bowed. A fan stood nearby, blowing at her. The security guard at Suntec City was fast asleep.

Again, someone took pictures and sent it to Stomp.



It happened on 15 Mar when the IT show was on at Suntec City.

In a reply to Stomp, a spokesman for Suntec City Management said its investigation revealed that the contracted security guard had not been feeling well, but she failed to inform the management and remained at her assigned duty post.

'Appropriate action has been taken,' said the spokesman, without elaborating.

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New Paper
16 April 2009

Should NEL officer be punished for sitting?

Picture of him in priority seat posted online leads to disciplinary action



AS OTHER passengers stood around him, the train officer plonked himself on an empty priority seat on the North-East Line (NEL) train.

His action was caught on camera by a commuter who sent it to Stomp, The Straits Times' interactive website.

The commuter felt the officer, dressed in a lime-green uniform shirt, should have given up his seat to other standing passengers.

His employer thought so too. SBS Transit, which operates the NEL, said it has taken disciplinary action against the officer.

But it would not reveal the exact form of action it took.

The incident took place on 29 Mar at around 10.30pm. Ms Tammy Tan, SBS Transit's vice-president of corporate communications, said the man was a customer service officer. He works on board the trains to help passengers in need and to respond to technical difficulties.

Explaining the need to discipline him, Ms Tan added: 'As a company guideline, staff who are on duty are expected to give up their seats to passengers as part of our customer service standards.

'In situations where they fail to do so, disciplinary action will be taken.'

The officer was sitting on a priority seat, which is allocated for needy passengers such as the elderly, the disabled and pregnant women.

These seats are located next to train doors with signs above the seats to indicate that they are for needy passengers.

Ms Tan said if the train had been empty, it was okay for the officer to sit down as long as he performed his duty.

But most of the 18 people whom The New Paper spoke to felt the officer did not deserve to be punished.

When we showed them the picture, many pointed out that all the passengers standing nearby were able-bodied young adults.

Mr Lee Ting Wei, 19, a full-time NSman, said: 'Perhaps SBS Transit should have just told him off.

'Any punishment more than that would have been too harsh because there were no pregnant women, elderly or disabled passengers around at that time.'

Sympathetic

Madam Heng Sue San, 37, a housewife, agreed. 'If there is no one in need of the seat, I wouldn't make a fuss,' she said.

'But if the seat is intended for the elderly and there is someone like that around, I would expect him to give up the seat.'

Mr S W Hor, 55, a lecturer, was sympathetic towards the officer. 'It doesn't matter even if he is an (NEL) employee. He could have been tired and should be allowed to take a seat,' he said.

Mr Hor also wondered if the matter had been blown out of proportion because the picture was posted on the Internet.

But some people felt that the officer deserved to be disciplined.

Retiree A L Tan, 78, said: 'Since he works for the (train operator), he should have known better than to not let other passengers have the seat.'

Housewife Yeo Ah Sim, 67, felt the officer should have set a good example. She said that many young people don't give up their seats, but as a NEL employee, he should have shown more courtesy.

The other train operator, SMRT, has a similar code of conduct for its staff.

A spokesman said: 'We encourage staff to be friendly and helpful to passengers. This would include behaving in a courteous and gracious manner like giving way to alighting passengers and giving up their seats to needy passengers.

'Staff in uniform are also expected to maintain a good corporate image by dressing and behaving appropriately at all times.'

However, SMRT would not comment on the form of disciplinary action taken, saying that it would be on a case-by-case basis.

Geraldine Yeo, newsroom intern

New AWARE woman in the hot seat

New Paper
17 April 2009


LATEST: AWARE PRESIDENT ANNOUNCED

New woman in the hot seat

By Benson Ang

SINCE they were voted in late last month, the new committee of the Association of Women for Action and Research (Aware) had remained tight-lipped.

And yesterday evening, when the committee met for the first time, it was no different.

When The New Paper arrived at the Aware Centre along Dover Crescent at 6.30pm, three of the committee members were already there.

Then other members showed up and entered the centre, ignoring queries by the media. One woman even shielded her face with a plastic file as she hurried in.

Why was a committee member of a high-profile organisation so apprehensive about showing her face? No answers were forthcoming.

Late meeting

Their meeting ran from 7pm till 11pm, after which they announced the new president to replace veteran member Claire Nazar, who had resigned without providing a reason less than a week after being voted in .

Ms Josie Lau Meng-Lee, 48, is now head of Singapore's foremost women's organisation, appointed by the other 10 committee members.

Previous media reports describe Ms Lau as a bank officer.


NEW BOSS: New Aware president Josie Lau. TNP PICTURES: MOHD ISHAK

After the meeting, the committee members were still tight-lipped about their backgrounds, why they had moved to take control of Aware and what they planned to do with the 24-year-old women's organisation.

But after midnight, it issued a press statement announcing Ms Lau's appointment and outlining some of its aims.

The new team said it intended to build on the solid foundations laid by the founders of Aware and continue to promote the participation of women, on equal terms with men, in political, social, economic and cultural life.

Ms Lau said in the statement: 'In these challenging times, the new team will actively seek to collaborate and align Aware with other women's organisations, with outreach to girls and women who are affected by the current economic downturn.

'The new team aims to empower women who have been retrenched and equip them with new skills.'

She said Aware will work with training agencies to launch programmes of practical assistance, including budgeting, finance and debt management, career-planning and management of change.

It will continue to provide emotional, psychological and legal support for women.

She added: 'We call on all women of Singapore to rise to the challenge of taking on leadership roles in our nation. We invite volunteers to help make Aware a positive agency of change for the beneficial transformation of our society, where all people regardless of race, religion or sex are valued and have a place under the sun.'

But the gulf between the new committee and Aware's old guard is obvious.

At about 10.15pm, Ms Caris Lim, one of the two veterans left in the new committee, walked out of the meeting, saying that she was not happy with what was happening inside.

On Tuesday, a petition signed by 160 Aware members was delivered to the new committee calling for an extraordinary general meeting (EOGM) within 14 days to improve the transparency of the situation.

Controversy has plagued Aware since an unprecedented number of new members showed up at the annual general meeting (AGM) on 28Mar and voted in the new leadership.


CHEERS: Ms Lois Ng (far left) and the other committe members applaude after their new president Josie Lau (first from left) made a short speech.

Nine of the 12 contested positions went to new members.

The long-term members are concerned with the action of new members voting enbloc at the AGM, Ms Nazar's sudden resignation and whether the new committee will continue with the vision and values of Aware.

Ms Corinna Lim, 44, a veteran Aware member, who spoke for the 160 members, said that these values were 'equality, respect, helping women in need, diversity and empowered choice'.

'Choice, choice is very important. There are rumours that the new committee is very conservative and doesn't want to promote choice...

'It just raises a lot of questions, and that's not good for Aware.'

She added that if the members were not satisfied with the answers given by the current committee, then they may call for a vote of no confidence and vote in a new committee.

An EOGM is not confirmed, but is expected to take place in about a month.

Written to forums

Some members of the new committee and the people who voted them in have written letters to The Straits Times to speak out against the repeal of Section 377a of the Penal Code, which criminalises sex between men.

In October 2007, Ms Jenica Chua, the secretary of the new committee, accused Mr Siew Kum Hong of overstepping his boundaries as a nominated Member of Parliament and of advancing the gay cause when he submitted the petition to repeal 377a.

In August 2007, Dr Alan Chin, an Aware associate member who supported the newcomers, wrote a letter warning about high-risk gay lifestyles.

When contacted, Dr Chin declined to be interviewed.

-----------------------------

New Aware committee

President:

Josie Lau Meng-Lee

Vice-president:

Charlotte Wong Hock Soon

Honorary secretary:

Jenica Chua Chor Ping

Assistant honorary secretary:

Sally Ang Koon Hian

Honorary treasurer:

Maureen Ong Lee Keang

Assistant honorary treasurer:

Chew I-Jin

Committee members:

Caris Lim Chai Leng

Catherine Tan Ling Ghim

Irene Yee Khor Quin

Lois Ng

Peggy Leong Pek Kay

The new public order act

New Paper
15 April 2009

MPs raise questions about public order act

By Lediati Tan

YOU could be ordered to leave and stay away from a designated area for up to 24 hours if you behave as if you are a threat to people and public order.

The move-on order - based on the Australian model but with a narrower scope that applies only to a person's behaviour - was introduced in Parliament last month under the proposed Public Order Act (POA).

The order allows police to give offenders a chance to stop his unlawful activity without being arrested.

Currently, police officers either warn and observe offenders from the sidelines or arrest them on the spot.

With the new move-on order, if the offender cooperates and leaves the designated area, there will be no arrests and no record of it.

But three MPs - Mr Siew Kum Hong, Ms Sylvia Lim and Mr Low Thia Khiang - opposed the new move, while other MPs raised concerns.

Dr Teo Ho Pin (Bukit Panjang) asked why police would issue a move-on order if the person is about to commit, is committing or has just committed an offence.

Mr K Shanmugam, Second Minister for Home Affairs, explained: 'Move-on powers are intended to be pre-emptive to de-escalate a situation before an offence occurs...

'Such an option gives the person engaging in an illegal protest a chance to cooperate with the police and leave.

'This recognises the right to expression without compromising on the police management of public order.'

Adding offences?

But Mr Siew felt that the move-on powers adds a further offence to the list of offences committed by civil disobedience activists.

He said that if a group of people is not committing an offence but they are given move-on orders by the police which they do not comply with, the group then ends up committing an offence.

Mr Siew suggested that all move-on orders be recorded in a public register to 'ensure transparency and accountability in how police officers use their move-on powers' and prevent these powers from being abused.

Mr Shanmugam, however, disagreed.

He said that he wanted to keep the move-on power low-key and not make it an offence.

Mr Shanmugam also responded to Ms Lim's queries on consumer rights in the context of the move-on power.

Ms Lim had asked whether the move-on order would be used on consumers with legitimate grievances against traders - such as in the case of food poisoning, or bank customers who have lost money due to mis-selling of products - if the trader complained to the police that they were interfering with trade.

'So long as the public are not committing... any offences, why should they be told to disperse?' asked Ms Lim.

Mr Shanmugam replied that police involvement would depend on whether the situation endangers law and order.

If the consumers gathered to demonstrate in front of the business, it becomes a cause-based activity and requires a permit.

The prohibition under the POA on the filming of certain law enforcement activities also raised eyebrows. Some MPs were concerned that police abuse cases could be covered up if filming of such activities were not allowed.

Ms Lee Bee Wah questioned the rationale behind the prohibition.

She said: 'If we carry out our enforcement in a humane and civilised manner, then there should be nothing to hide.'

Mr Shanmugam reiterated that the law was not intended to prevent the filming of routine police activities or abuse by the police.

Wah.....3 officers have broken bonds since 2000

New Paper
15 April 2009


3 officers have broken bonds since 2000

Death of scholar prompts queries over SAF HR policies in parliament session

By Low Ching Ling

IN RECENT weeks, the family of the late Captain (Dr) Allan Ooi have engaged the Defence Ministry (Mindef) about his death in newspaper forums.

The incident prompted MP for Tampines GRC Irene Ng to raise questions in Parliament about bonded Singapore Armed Forces (SAF) officers.

Here is the exchange between Ms Ng and Defence Minister Teo Chee Hean :

Ms Ng: Can bonded SAF officers apply to leave the service early?

Mr Teo: All officers who... take up sponsorship are aware that they have a moral obligation to serve out the full period of their... bonds, which goes beyond the legal obligation to pay back liquidated damages if (they do) not fulfil the bond.

An officer who wishes to be released early while under bond can submit a formal application through the proper process.

Under what circumstances will approval be granted?

The application will be assessed on a case-by-case basis and the officer will be counselled and interviewed by his superior officers.

How many applications have been made and approvals granted over the years?

Since 2000, we have allowed three officers to be released prematurely from their bonds.

Can the Minister review the way the SAF contracts army personnel to make sure that, before a person signs... the contract terms are clearly explained to him, and to... his parents if he is below 21?

First, if anyone is signing a sponsorship deed and needs clarification on its terms and conditions, he can and should seek these clarifications, which Mindef has and will continue to provide.

The individual signs the deed voluntarily and is not compelled to do so until he has fully understood the terms of the sponsorship or scholarship.

This is particularly the case when it is an in-service officer who may well already be in his 20s or 30s, and decides to take up a scholarship or a sponsorship to go on for a course for further career development.

Second, most of our sponsorships or scholarships require two sureties to also sign the deed.

These sureties (are) usually one of the parents, a close relative or someone whom they know well... Mindef also provides clarification to these sureties.

While the bonded officer has a moral obligation to serve his bond, the SAF... also has a moral obligation to... make him want to stay... Do the SAF's HR policies ensure that?

In the case of sponsorship, Mindef has already taken the first step, which is to provide sponsorship for the course, sometimes with salary for the officer while he is on course.

So, Mindef has already fulfilled a fairly major part of the obligation towards the officer by sponsoring him for the programme.

These programmes may be six months, or as long as six years in the case of medical scholarships.

The SAF invests substantial public funds and time to train these officers. There is an expectation that such officers will... fulfil their moral obligation to serve the organisation in return.

The SAF is not an unreasonable organisation. The terms and conditions are quite fair and reasonable and that is why we do have people who are prepared to come forward to serve the SAF...

There are many interesting and challenging jobs in the SAF... In most cases, because the officers whom we choose to sponsor are our better officers, they do have a pick of the better positions available.

Given that Mindef has convened a Board of Inquiry and made findings that the matters related to Capt (Dr) Ooi's service were managed appropriately, would the Minister consider making the findings public or at least available to the family?

Mindef has been in contact with the family since Capt (Dr) Ooi went Awol in October last year. We will continue to do so.

If the family were to request for the findings... Mindef will make available a summary of the findings to them.

Deluded and GAY!

This is the new facebook status of AP.

A few days ago, he posted something that made me think he was deluded. And then this status statement came out and I think he is not only deluded but also gay.

Maybe he is having some sort of mid life crisis or identity crisis?

Does this not come out from the mouth of someone gay? A straight man would not say something like this....
mite not like e baggy jeans..but i mite like whats underneath it...wld u b my filipino boy....LOL

And yeah, I have always suspected that AP is gay. He is not that gayish and gets along with people of both sexes. But people his age are mostly dads and granddads. And he is still hanging out with boys half his age. And having sleepovers, as I suspected, looking at the photos in his facebook.

Hmmm....Who does it remind you of?

The Gloved One. For those too dumb to understand...Michael Jackson!

Yeah, yeah, I am minding my own business.

Becoming a recluse

I had just read a blog in which the author mentioned a friend's facebook status.

The thing that struck me was this...that he was
tired of people in general... that he's just feeling more and more reclusive, and that the less he go out and interact with people, the more relax and peaceful he'll feel...

Gosh, I felt the same way too.

I am just so tired of people. All sorts of people. Strangers and even people I know.

And I cannot help it!

I am some sort of a recluse. It has been ages since I have met up with some one I know, besides SO.

But recently, I am plagued with anxiety when I have to interact with anyone else. Like the supermarket cashier or those hawkers that sells rice or noodles.

Frankly, I preferred to hole up at home with my TV, my mobile phone and my laptop.

Everything else is simply redundant to me.

If SO were to die before me, I think I would probably end up like those elderly who lived alone and died alone, unknown.

That is my plight, my status.

Delusions of AP

I just read this from AP's facebook status. Yeah, the very AP who said my facebook photo was too thailandish.

I think he is having some sort of delusions. Frankly, does this sound like the words of a sane person?
one same earth..u cn keep ur vertu,lv,gucci,ck,dkny,tod,tomford,etc.in ur pocket..am not impressed..the day u breathe a different kind of air than mine, come to me, i bow to u..one same earth

Come to me...I bow to you?? He is getting deluded and bizarre. I dun think he is depressed.

And in my present state of mind, I cannot reach out to him.

It reminded me of Mavis Hee, a local singer, who screamed at some guys in a hotel, "Call me GOD".

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New Paper
29 June 2006

SINGER'S TURMOIL

Mavis Hee sent to Institute of Mental Health after she trails hotel guest and yells: 'Call me God'

Friends and fans wonder: What made he snap?

By Maureen Koh

BIZARRE.

That is the word for the behaviour of homegrown singer Mavis Hee.

She allegedly tailed a hotel guest from the lobby of the Ritz Carlton Singapore into a corridor, ranting incoherently most of the time.

Then suddenly, said a hotel bellboy, she shouted at the guest, in the presence of others: 'Call me God!'

The police were called, and she was taken to the Institute of Mental Health (IMH).

The incident took place last Thursday around 9pm.

Said a bellboy who did not want to be named: 'The guest looked quite uncomfortable but did not seem to know what to do.'

He added: 'No one really knew who she was or recognised her. Our concern was more for our guests.'

SECURITY ALERTED

A staff member from another department in the hotel who realised that something was amiss, had alerted the security department.

Two of the hotel's security officers went to take control of the situation. However, when they were unable to obtain a satisfactory response from Mavis, the hotel decided to call the police.

The hotel's director of public relations, Mr Anton Kilayko, told The New Paper: 'As with standard operating procedure, two colleagues from the security department were deployed.'

He said they were unable to provide further details.

Mr Kilayko explained: 'We are leaving investigations to the police. However, it is our responsibility to protect the privacy of our hotel guests - and everything has to be kept confidential.'

It is not known if Mavis knew the guest or what sparked off the shouting.

Mavis, 32, was taken to IMH the following day and warded for psychiatric observation.

Industry sources and friends who know her personally were shocked when they read the news in yesterday's Shin Min Daily News.

Ms Merisa Chu, chief promotions manager at HIM Music, has known Mavis for nine years. She has also handled the singer's album promotions.

NICE PERSON

Ms Chu told The New Paper: 'Mavis is really a very nice person. Even though she is no longer releasing albums, we still keep regular contact with each other.'

The last time Ms Chu saw Mavis was in April, with four other friends.

She added: 'I did not sense anything odd at all. Our conversations were about very mundane stuff, like work, music and updates on how we were.'

Another long-time friend who had worked with Mavis when she first entered showbiz is Ms Sheila Koh. She expressed disbelief when The New Paper contacted her.

'Are you sure? Did you get the right name? Could this be some prank that someone's pulling? Are you sure it happened here? In Singapore?'

Ms Koh added: 'I have been away for a while too and had been meaning to contact her. But you know how it is, we just never get around to it. And the last I heard, she was always busy with shows in China.'

The New Paper also spoke to two of the singer's fans.

Mr Lionel Ng, a freelance designer, snorted when we first spoke to him.

'Please lah, how can this be? You are talking about Mavis and this happening in Singapore? At such a posh hotel?'

When it became clear that it was no prank, Mr Ng said: 'I just cannot believe it. Mavis does not look like someone who'd snap just like that. There must be something troubling her... and maybe she's just too stressed out?'

COMFORT AND ADVICE FOR FAN

He said he keeps in touch with her.

He said that in May last year he had told her that he had split up with his girlfriend.

Claimed Mr Ng, 30: 'She even sent me a few SMSes to comfort me and advised me to learn when it was time to let go.'

The last time he heard from Mavis was an acknowledgement to a Chinese New Year greeting that he had sent her this year.

Clerk Lynn Tan, 27, said: 'If this is true, it is very sad. We have long heard that Mavis has been troubled by her love life, but we've never confirmed if that was true. Maybe she just could not take it any more.

'We truly hope that she can pull through.'

She's been away from the scene for a few years

MAVIS Hee, a former assistant photographer, was named Singapore's Faye Wong when she started out in showbiz.

She released her debut album, Knowing Well, in 1994. And followed that with a string of hits which took her to Taiwan, Hong Kong and, finally, China.

Her wide appeal in China even saw Mavis appointed a cultural ambassador in 2001.

Mavis has also dabbled in acting, with bit roles in a few TV drama serials.

She was 'handpicked' to star in famous cinematographer Chris Doyle's first directing effort, Away With Words, in 1999.

Mavis has had her share of bad publicity - from critics panning her bad dress sense to gossip about her personal life.

In 2000, she had to battle rumours that she was having an affair with her married producer, Chen Jiaming. She denied this in an interview with this newspaper.

She has been lying low for the past few years - though she was said to have been performing regularly in China.

Chronic fatigue syndrome and Mood Swings

I am so tired these days. So weary and worn out. Not from work or housework or anything like that.

Besides that my shoulders are aching and I have mild chest pains.

I just felt so and I simply cannot help it. I think I am suffering from Chronic fatigue syndrome.

CFS as defined by Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
Symptoms of CFS include widespread muscle and joint pain, cognitive difficulties, chronic, often severe mental and physical exhaustion and other characteristic symptoms in a previously healthy and active person.

I am also feeling a bit depressed. Sometimes, I even find myself on the verge of tears for no reasons at all.

------------------------------

For those of you who dun have such issues, it is easy to say, "Snap out of it!".

Oh please, you just DUN understand! Talk is CHEAP. Dirt Cheap! It is so easy to just mouth off! It is so simple to say Snap out of it when it does not happen to you. It is not as easy as that!

Walk a mile in my shoes and maybe you will understand. If you have some sort of compassion.

Mostly I dun like to voice out aloud all these personal "issues" cos when it is verbally expressed or expressed in whatever manner, it just seems so foolish and petty.

This is not just being in the right state of mind as I had read in some blog. This has something to do with the chemical imbalance in the brain. It has not been scientifully proven what sort of chemical imbalances that causes emotion distress or anxiety, but it is definitely NOT just trying to get attention from people.

And it is not some imaginary thing as some people thought.

Imagine Allan Ooi telling his friends or family in confidence, " I am depressed over my present job and I see no future at all. Just feel like ending it all."

Half of the people who heard this would probably think he was just stressed and joking. Most of the rest would just think it is a silly, ridiculous and stupid idea, bore out of boredom and frustrations. How many can actually empathise with what he was going through at that point in time.

Yeah, when such "suicidal concepts" are expressed out, they just sounded so .... minor and petty. Nothing to die for.

Until it is too late and the person attempted suicide or end up dead.

I had an experience some time back. I was seeing this counsellor cos I was depressed. I was foolish to think that the counsellor would help me in some way so I did voiced out all my "concerns". Naively and innocently. I was young then. And stupid to think people would understand.

After the so called "confessions", she told me I was just seeking attention and a perfectionist. She said I was not happy cos things did not go my way.

In other words, I dun think she believed me at all. Why? Cos I had no previous attempts at suicide.

Maybe to her, my life and death issues were just too minor, too petty, too stupid. This is what she made me felt after my "confessions". And I regretted telling her.

My depression worsened and within the next few weeks, I attempted suicide.

Luckily or unluckily, I survived.

I was "forced" back to the counselling center a few weeks after that. This time under another new counsellor.

However, I had lost faith in counselling by then. And the first and last words I said to the new counsellor was, Save it. You wun believe me. You dun believe it. What's the point then?

And I kept my big fat mouth shut after that.

I attended a few sessions after that and I was not very open to counselling any more. I was just sitting there, wasting my time.

The new counsellor said he was sorry with what happened to me and the prior counsellor. And that he would try to win my trust back.

But it was too late. I had lost my faith, respect and trust in all these counselling help agencies.

At around the same time, I was also seeing this psychiatrist.

I dun think he believed in me either. Maybe it was just me. I wasn't very believable?

In fact, he told me in one of the session to just go and jump or do whatever to die and he would not give a damn. Why? Cos he simply dun care.

And he was NOT a newbie. He was this old man in his 40s or 50s.And a senior psychiatrist.

Well, I dun know if it was reverse psychology or whatever. But I did thought of dying that week then. And taking him along for the ride.

I stopped seeling him soon after that and a few months later, another attempt.

Anyway, this post is NOT to lament about how suicidal I am now. I am NOT suicidal NOW.

Actually this post is suppose to be under another topic, but somehow, the feel and words just flowed. So yeah, it is a bit off topic here.

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Anyway, I was feeling so exhausted these few days and slept for an average of 14-16 hours a day. But even after all these hours of sleep, I still felt so worn out and tired.

And I really dun have the energy or strength to deal with any form of stress and drama.

I have this blood test on friday and a medical appointment on saturday.

But I just dun have that energy to discuss with the doctor any of my medical condition. This blood test and medical consultation are part of my quarterly every 4 months regular routine going on for years to monitor my uric acid level as well as my liver, kidney etc.

So I told SO that I wanted to change the appointment to another date. Preferably a day next month.

SO was just adamant that I go this week. He even threatened to die. That bitch! He thought I was just going though some bitchy tantrums.

I was really really worn out. I just told him NO. I told him not to force me or I would take drastic actions. What I was thinking was that if he simply refuse, I would just book myself into some hotel alone and disappear for a few days.

I just need that calm and peace. I could not deal with anyone at this point of time. I am NOT ready.To see a doctor or anything like that!

Well, he finally relented. And helped to change the appointment to middle of May.

I am still tired but also relieved. I dun know why I felt so. It is as if a huge load had been lifted off my back and chest.

Frankly, now I am still very tired but also just a tiny teeny bit happier.