I have been putting off writing this post off for some time. It is still so difficult to write about the passing of Gin.
Last night, as I went to bed, I could not help but cry again. Frankly, I thought I had no more tears for Gin. But as I thought of her, my love for her, her love for me and how much I missed her presence, I could not help but weep.
SO was asleep. I was weeping softly in bed next to him. I did felt so alone. I know SO loved her also. And Gin did loved SO. She used to jump onto the sofa and rest her body on SO that sometimes she would ignored me. She did loved being touched by SO. And I felt sad that something like this would never happened again.
I set my alarm clock at 8am this morning. Somehow, I got the weird idea of reliving the passing of the very minute she passed on, 7 days ago.
I cried myself to sleep. And this morning, when the alarm rang, I was only half awake. Bell was outside the bedroom gate, barking and scratching the gate. I wanted to get out of bed to revisit the scene and minute, but I was too tired, too depressed. Would it have made a difference anymore? She is already ashes and dust. Not flesh, skin and fur no more.
I have not dreamed of her since her passing. Is it strange?
Oh, how I loved her and missed her so much. Food dun taste as well now that she is no longer in front of me when I eat, hoping to get some table scrapes. I missed sharing food with her. Little pieces of fishball, meat and veggies. I normally gave her most of my veggies cos she just loved it.
The last meal we shared together was the day before she died. I was eating dragon fruit. I gave her some. She loved it. Her appetite was still good. Who knows the next day, she would be gone. Taken from me forever.
She was such a loving being. When she was around me, I felt I was bathed in this golden aura of shower of intense love. No one could ever love me as she did. And no one will again ever loved me like she did. Not even my mother. And no one loved her like I did. And I think she knew it. I loved her more than I love SO. He knew it. I told him many times before.
With her gone, I felt so naked. Naked without a aura of love enclosing me. Unconditional love. Her love is the only love I ever want and need. No other.
Sigh...I am in tears again. But I am starting to feel better.
I hope you know how much I love thee.
Last night, as I went to bed, I could not help but cry again. Frankly, I thought I had no more tears for Gin. But as I thought of her, my love for her, her love for me and how much I missed her presence, I could not help but weep.
SO was asleep. I was weeping softly in bed next to him. I did felt so alone. I know SO loved her also. And Gin did loved SO. She used to jump onto the sofa and rest her body on SO that sometimes she would ignored me. She did loved being touched by SO. And I felt sad that something like this would never happened again.
I set my alarm clock at 8am this morning. Somehow, I got the weird idea of reliving the passing of the very minute she passed on, 7 days ago.
I cried myself to sleep. And this morning, when the alarm rang, I was only half awake. Bell was outside the bedroom gate, barking and scratching the gate. I wanted to get out of bed to revisit the scene and minute, but I was too tired, too depressed. Would it have made a difference anymore? She is already ashes and dust. Not flesh, skin and fur no more.
I have not dreamed of her since her passing. Is it strange?
Oh, how I loved her and missed her so much. Food dun taste as well now that she is no longer in front of me when I eat, hoping to get some table scrapes. I missed sharing food with her. Little pieces of fishball, meat and veggies. I normally gave her most of my veggies cos she just loved it.
The last meal we shared together was the day before she died. I was eating dragon fruit. I gave her some. She loved it. Her appetite was still good. Who knows the next day, she would be gone. Taken from me forever.
She was such a loving being. When she was around me, I felt I was bathed in this golden aura of shower of intense love. No one could ever love me as she did. And no one will again ever loved me like she did. Not even my mother. And no one loved her like I did. And I think she knew it. I loved her more than I love SO. He knew it. I told him many times before.
With her gone, I felt so naked. Naked without a aura of love enclosing me. Unconditional love. Her love is the only love I ever want and need. No other.
Sigh...I am in tears again. But I am starting to feel better.
I hope you know how much I love thee.
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