Runaway dream

I slept quite late last night and had a bad dream. Well...I dun suppose it could be considered that bad actually.....

Anyway, I dreamt that SO had known an older lady (mother? girlfriend?). And one day, he did not came back as he was supposed to. I remembered thinking in the dream that I did not called him cos he might be very busy with work and stuff.

And when he did returned the next day or was it few days later, he told me he would not inform me of his whereabouts any more. In other words, he would not report where he is or where is going.

And then he said that he would treat me as nice as before. Upon hearing that, I made plans for myself. I decided to leave him and run away from home.

And yeah....I was still busy making plans when he woke me from my dream.

I did told him of this dream and he laughed, saying that it is not possible. He said that it is not possible for me not to contact him if he is late in coming back. He said that I would called his phone till it exploded. He said it was a crazy dream as a result of my fertile imagination.

But the dream felt do vivid and real. Was that to be the fate of my future?

Actually I have ran away from home before. Twice. I left him cos he was just ...unfaithful.

It wasn't cos I caught him in bed with someone else. What I caught was him writing raunchy emails and sms to someone else.

Both incidents happened some time apart. For the sms incident, his response to a sms from someone he knew only a few days and asking him for fun was, I would have fun with you if I became your boyfriend.

I nearly jumped through the roof when I read this but it was after a few days later that I confronted him. And it was a very agonising few days where I finally decided to leave him.

So I told him I knew of his sms and his betrayal. And you know the next thing he did? He just snatched his phone and ran out of the house!

I packed my bags and a few clothes and left the house. I wandered off a long while, wondering where to go. I have hardly any friends, not much family. And the one friend I called to pour my heart out, said he was busy.

That night, I slept on the void deck of a block of flats. Now looking back, I should have booked into some hotels and spent a few days.

During the night, SO was smsing me, begging me to come back, saying how he would not want to live without me.

I really wanted to die then, to jump from the high floors. I cried my heart out. That was the worst I have cried. I have given hope there and then. My heart was aching. It was broken. Totally broken. To have someone you loved so much and with all your life betrayed you so.

So I told him I was going to die. He told me that he would join me in death. And so we arranged to meet the next day.

He convinced me to return home and die. But when we returned back home, he changed his mind. He said he would not die nor let me die.

It took me a long while to forgive him. I used to love him about 120 %, more than I love myself. More than I loved life. But after that, I did loved him less. I also realised that I loved Gin more. At least Gin would never betrayed me and would give me unconditional love in return.