Monday, June 30, 2008

Blood pressure and the Osim girl

It was Sunday. We were suppose to see the movie Incredible Cock.. Oops Hulk. But SO had came back from his mama's place at 11 am plus and the movie was at 110 pm.

I was still sleeping in bed after a late night and that awful runaway dream. So I told him maybe another day then. We always watch movie on sundays at Cathay cinema cos they are having a promotion with our telco company, charging only half price for the second ticket. We dun watch movies on week day nights cos SO is always so tired after work.

We had some vouchers which was expiring on 30th June and I decided that we have to go out and use those vouchers.

The first was Best Denki, an electrical and electronics store. SO had 14 points which expires on the 30th Jun. Frankly, I could not decide what to get. For 34 points, I could get a 4Gb thumb drive. I just need to top up $20 for that.

But as we were on the train, I was flippings the reward brochure when I came across the OSIM iCheck 100. It was an device to measure blood pressure.


SO had been pestering me for the longest time to get a blood pressure machine. This model, which normally cost $118 now only cost 98 points to redeem. And with our 14 points, we only need to pay $84.

However, I would have prefer to get the more expensive model, the iCheck 500, which can monitor blood pressure and fat content but cost around $248.

To be continued.......

Motorola Bluetooth Adapter for iPod D650

I was searching for a bluetooth adaptor for my ipod classic for sometime since I got a new Ipod classic earlier this year.

Yesterday as I was shopping, I came across this Motorola brochure where it stated that they do have a bluetooth adapter for the Ipod. By then I had left the phone shop and on my way to another place, so I did not have the chance to check with the sales staff.

Anyway, I did some research online and found that the Motorola bluetooth adapter D650 is compatible with any iPod that has a 30-pin connector.
Motorola adaptor
I dun believe in calling and talking to customer service. They always seems to be a bunch of idiots who dun know much about products. So I decided to email them instead.

So I happily filled up the questionaire form, asking them where I can get the adapter, and then I went on to the next page to submit my question. It turned out that you need to register and then login in before you can ask them any question.

How incredibly stupid is that! Why should I register, provide a bunch of information just so I can ask one question on how I can get my hands on a bluetooth adaptor?

Why all the trouble? I believe a company should be open in providing information on their products. They should be able to provide an open email address in which customers should be able to send in their enquiries, not make customers or potential customers jump over hoops and loops just to get some answers on their products.

So yeah....Motorola just went down a few notches for me in that aspect.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

The funny professor

I was reading the papers and found the professor Ong, presently testifying at the Novena court case to be funny. If it is as traumatic for a senior consultant in psychological medicine, imagine what it could be for the rest of us common people.

The New Paper
29 June 2008

Sitting in the witness stand, I felt traumatised

By Arul John

BOTAK and raving lunatic.
That was how one witness described two lawyers in the case at the High Court yesterday.

It was Day Five of the current phase of the civil trial involving Madam Amutha Valli Krishnan, 52. She claims she was the victim of a forced exorcism at the Novena Church on 10 Aug 2004.

Represented by MrRSBajwa, she is demanding compensation and is suing the Redemptorist Order, which runs the church, two priests and six church-goers who allegedly helped in the ritual. Mr Tito Isaac is representing the Order and Father Simon Tan, one of the priests involved.

A senior consultant in psychological medicine at Tan Tock Seng Hospital, Associate Professor Ong Thiew Chai, who was in the witness stand yesterday, asked Justice Lee Seiu Kin for permission to speak his mind about how he had been treated in court.


He said: 'Yesterday, I went home and had my meal and went to sleep. At 2.30(am), I woke up with cold sweat. It was not out of fear but of anger at the abuse I received from that very short man over there.'

As he spoke, he inclined his head in the direction of lawyer Denis Tan, who is representing three of the church-goers.

Prof Ong also called Mr Tan 'a raving lunatic' and then called Senior Counsel Jimmy Yim, who is representing Father Jacob Ong, one of the priests involved, a 'botak' (Malay for bald). He said another defence lawyer, MrAnthony Lee, 'trembles as much as he talks'.

prof ong
Prof Ong said: 'Sitting in the witness stand, I felt traumatised. I cannot go anywhere. 'I need closure. I do not want to go back infragmented pieces, I want to go back in onepiece.'

Justice Lee then calmly placated and reassured Prof Ong, saying that he had recorded his appreciation for his willingness to go through his ordeal in court. He said: 'It is not easy to handle a contentious case like this one.

'Unfortunately, in our adversarial system, evidence is tested in the crucible of cross-examination. 'One of the ways to get at the truth is to test the evidence of the witnesses in cross-examination,' he said.

Justice Lee told Prof Ong that each lawyer had a different style, which may depend on the nature of the evidence and nature of their client's case. He said: 'I try to ameliorate the intensity of cross-examination, but there is only so much I can do without shackling their (the lawyers') cross-examination.'

Justice Lee advised Prof Ong to try not to give long answers when simple 'yes' or 'no' replies would do.

Prof Ong replied: 'I have no problem with Mr Tito (Isaac), but the others have gross emotional immaturity.'

His foul mood did not lift even at the close of yesterday's proceedings. After cross-examining him, Mr Tan said: 'Thank you, Dr Ong. Your trauma is over with us.'

Prof Ong replied: 'I do not think so. I think it will be there for some time and I hope to be able to give it back to you someday on my turf.'

Laughter broke out in the courtroom.

Prof Ong also told Justice Lee that he had aproblem lending a medical book to the defence lawyers to read over the weekend as he 'does not like them'.

Prof Ong's comments were not the only instances of name-calling brought up yesterday.

Mr Bajwa asked Justice Lee Seiu Kin to look into some snide remarks made by lawyer Isaac during earlier proceedings, calling Madam Amutha 'the snake woman of NUH' and then laughing it off.

He said: 'The plaintiff's daughter took grave offence at that remark and complained about it. The counsel should conduct himself with decorum.'

Mr Isaac replied that hehad been informed that the remarks about Madam Amutha arose during ward visits by doctors at National University Hospital and he had asked her former psychiatrist, Prof Ong, if he was aware of them.

He said: 'Dr Ong said he was not aware of it.'

Justice Lee advised Mr Isaac to exercise discretion during his questioning, as Madam Amutha's family might take offence at any perceived levity.

Runaway dream

I slept quite late last night and had a bad dream. Well...I dun suppose it could be considered that bad actually.....

Anyway, I dreamt that SO had known an older lady (mother? girlfriend?). And one day, he did not came back as he was supposed to. I remembered thinking in the dream that I did not called him cos he might be very busy with work and stuff.

And when he did returned the next day or was it few days later, he told me he would not inform me of his whereabouts any more. In other words, he would not report where he is or where is going.

And then he said that he would treat me as nice as before. Upon hearing that, I made plans for myself. I decided to leave him and run away from home.

And yeah....I was still busy making plans when he woke me from my dream.

I did told him of this dream and he laughed, saying that it is not possible. He said that it is not possible for me not to contact him if he is late in coming back. He said that I would called his phone till it exploded. He said it was a crazy dream as a result of my fertile imagination.

But the dream felt do vivid and real. Was that to be the fate of my future?

Actually I have ran away from home before. Twice. I left him cos he was just ...unfaithful.

It wasn't cos I caught him in bed with someone else. What I caught was him writing raunchy emails and sms to someone else.

Both incidents happened some time apart. For the sms incident, his response to a sms from someone he knew only a few days and asking him for fun was, I would have fun with you if I became your boyfriend.

I nearly jumped through the roof when I read this but it was after a few days later that I confronted him. And it was a very agonising few days where I finally decided to leave him.

So I told him I knew of his sms and his betrayal. And you know the next thing he did? He just snatched his phone and ran out of the house!

I packed my bags and a few clothes and left the house. I wandered off a long while, wondering where to go. I have hardly any friends, not much family. And the one friend I called to pour my heart out, said he was busy.

That night, I slept on the void deck of a block of flats. Now looking back, I should have booked into some hotels and spent a few days.

During the night, SO was smsing me, begging me to come back, saying how he would not want to live without me.

I really wanted to die then, to jump from the high floors. I cried my heart out. That was the worst I have cried. I have given hope there and then. My heart was aching. It was broken. Totally broken. To have someone you loved so much and with all your life betrayed you so.

So I told him I was going to die. He told me that he would join me in death. And so we arranged to meet the next day.

He convinced me to return home and die. But when we returned back home, he changed his mind. He said he would not die nor let me die.

It took me a long while to forgive him. I used to love him about 120 %, more than I love myself. More than I loved life. But after that, I did loved him less. I also realised that I loved Gin more. At least Gin would never betrayed me and would give me unconditional love in return.

Blogs backup

I am presently seeking a backup for my blog. Some of these postings are quite emotional and personal and I do not want to lose the contents.

I have arranged for each posts to be emailed to my email account after each post, but it is simply tedious to republish them in case they got lost somehow.

Some of the options I have found out are...
Free service only has 5 Mb storage space.

Nothing is for free. Some of these sites either have limited memory space or that they harvest the blogs for email address and other information. Or that they are beta sites, which are still under testing.


I read this interesting article on the net.
BlogBackupOnline Should Be Banned!

Anyway, since I had only compiled less than a hundred posts in this blog, I decided to give it a try.

I backed up this blog and it came out as a file, export.xlm. I then managed to export it to a vox account. It turned out very well. All the postings were exported out. However, the links for all of my youtubes videos were missing.

After comparing the design, layout etc of blogger and vox, I decided that I still like blogspot better.

Vox is for those who are more interested in writing and posting blogs. Their design and page layout options are rather limited as compared to blogger. I am a person who needs to customize almost everything. From my ipod to my computer, screen saver, psp, bags etc, everything I owned is customized to my own identity. And so far, I think blogger has managed to give me some of that customizable options (though I think they could provide more design options).

Another option that I could do to backup this blog is to copy and paste, post by post to another blogger blog but one with a password, so in case this blog's content got trashed accidentally, I am still left with a backup.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

The road less travelled

I am the type of person who often takes the road less travelled.

I am not conventional. I dun conform to the rigids of society. I dun follow the crowds and masses like sheep. I am no sheep.

SO said that I am a person who takes the road less travelled after observing me for years. He knows I dun rush for the lift when everyone is doing so. Everytime we take a lift, I would let the crowd clear before going into the lift. I don't try to squeeze myself into the lift so I can make it. I would rather take the next one, one which is hopefully less crowed, preferably empty.

The same with buses or subway. If it was too crowded, I would never squeezed my self in one. I would rather wait for the next one. Or the next one or the next one. Whenever it takes.

It is the same with crowds. If I see a crowd somewhere, I dun just join in. I walk the other way.

That is something that SO have gotten used to over the years. SO is someone who is quite the opposite of me. He likes to squeeze into buses, trains and lifts. He dun mind it. In fact, he enjoys it! But I told him, if you are with me, you either follow my road or you go on by your own. And so he has also learnt to take the road less travelled.

SO said that some people think this is a sign of weakness or not being ambitious enough.

I dun care. I simply dun care. Just because I dun followed the usual path does not mean I am weak or that I am not successful. Frankly, I just dun care what other people think or say. People can think those who travelled on the road less travelled as weak or unsuccessful or that they are unable to compete in the world, but these are just labels that people attached onto other people.

Is it important if one is weak or successful? Weak or strong, successful or not, people still die in the end.

Life is like that for me. I took the road less travelled. I stopped working full time 8 years ago and took on free lance jobs while doing part time studies. I learnt to live with less money and lived simply. I learnt to enjoy the pleasure that the road less travelled offers. I do not quite habour the desire that money and status comes with the road well travelled.

Do I have regrets on taking the road less travelled? Well....not really and not always. Only sometimes occasionally, in a blue moon, when I wondered what I could have achieved if I had taken the usual path in my career and the sucess I might have enjoyed.

But I enjoyed my time smelling the flowers, doing my own thing, spending time with my dogs and SO, These are things that money cannot buy. These are things that you dun regret doing when you are on your death bed. After all, no one would said on their death bed, they wished they could have spent more time on work.

Carbon foot print

After reading so much on carbon footprint, I finally have the chance to test out my own carbon footprint.

And my carbon footprint per year is....5.891 tonnes...I suppose.

The average footprint for people in my country is 12.2 tonnes.
The average for the industrial nations is about 11 tonnes.
The average worldwide carbon footprint is about 4 tonnes.
To combat climate change the worldwide average needs to reduce to 2 tonnes.

And to offset that, I either have to spend £ 63.00 to pledge 9 trees in Kenya (about 6.570 tonnes) OR £ 105.75 to pledge 9 trees in any UK county of my choice (about 6.570 tonnes).

Some of the questions in the carbon footprint test are not that easy for the layman to gauge. I mean how many people actually can gauge how much electricity, natural gas, cooking oil they used per year down to the last kWh and litres or last dollar? And how many can tell you how many kilometers they travelled by bus or subway in a year?

So yeah.....I dun think the questions are that practical! They are not exactly something that you can gauge without doing your sums monthly and diligently.

My carbon footprint is quite low, cos I dun drive or hardly travel by plane. I owned an air con at home, which I used only 3-4 times a year (Really! No kidding!). I dun cook at home that much either.

SO and I can afford a car but we have strongly resisted the temptation and social status that comes with having a car. We have taken public transport for so long and are so used to it, we dun really fancy the extra costs of having our own private transport. SO former boss had always pestered, persuade, convince SO to get a car, saying that a person of his status should get a car. In fact, some of his subordinates with half his pay possessed a car.

Though we did not buy our own vehicle, we did signed up with a car sharing co-op. Each month, we paid $60 and leased the car for 2 to 3 times a month. Each time, we paid about $50 for 10 hours of usage. We enjoyed the convenience of having a car, without actually owning a car outright.

And as for air conditioning, though we owned one, we seldom use it. No matter how hot and humid the weather, we always rely on the trusty fan. And if the weather is too hot, we switched on another fan. Frankly, SO agreed with me that we should not relied too much on air con. I have known so many people, who cannot sleep at night without air conditioning. In fact, without air cons, they could very well died in the middle of the night. Too pampered!

I do enjoyed the cold air of the air con, but I find it too much of a luxury. And not used to an air con, I dun think I am starting anytime soon.

So what's your carbon footprint?

SPH Luck Draw

Bollywood Blogs, Anyone?

Bollywood is starting to blog big time......Read this article in the papers. Some of these blogs have interesting perspectives and such beautiful photos.


The New Paper
26 Jun, 2008

Bollywood goes blogging

Stars such as Amitabh Bachchan & Salman Khan use blogs to counter gossip & promote their projects.

By Sheela Narayanan

BOLLYWOOD has taken to blogs like cats to catnip.

Hindi cinema stars like Amitabh Bachchan, Aamir Khan and Salman Khan blog regularly. They use their blogs to counter rumours and the negative press they get, while publicising their latest film releases and projects.

Bollywood icon Amitabh seems to take his role as a blogger very seriously, writing long posts nearly every day. The 65-year-old veteran actor - who started in April - regularly rebuts what has been reported about him and his family members, like son Abhishek Bachchan and daughter-in-law Aishwarya Rai.His blog gets more than 400 comments a day from his fans.

These celebrity bloggers have also been taking potshots at each other.

Aamir, who has been blogging for over a year at, criticised Amitabh's 2005 film Black, calling it 'manipulative' and 'insensitive'. There was a media hue and cry, and Aamir had to apologise to Amitabh. The 41-year-old actor-director set off another media controversy two months ago with a tongue-in-cheek post about a dog called Shahrukh.

Aamir wrote: 'Now, before you jump to any conclusions let me add that Shahrukh is the name of our dog. And before you jump to any further conclusions let me add that I had nothing to do with naming him.

'In fact, Shahrukh is the dog of the caretakers of our house. When I bought this house it came with the caretakers and their dog!'

In an interview with the Indian channel Times TV, Aamir said the post was written in 'good humour' and not as a dig at fellow star Shah Rukh Khan. He said: 'And that's how Shah Rukh took it. I am glad that we have such kind of a relationship where I am comfortable joking about him and he feels comfortable to joke about me in public.'

Even Amitabh has not been able to resist taking a swipe at Shah Rukh, who replaced him on the game show Kaun Banega Crorepati (Who Wants To Be A Millionaire) last year. He wrote: 'KBC 1 ran non-stop for almost two years and then with an adequate break (for) 2 and the 3. I am unable to understand its falling interest as the graphs show, despite the fact that they were presented by bigger and more popular stars, namely Shah Rukh.'

Amitabh later apologised to Shah Rukh in the media and on his blog.

Salman Khan, so far, seems to be above the fray. He has been sharing random personal thoughts, plugging his new game show Dus Ka Dum, and generally indulging in patting his own back on He recently wrote: 'I follow my impulses and spontaneity is the watchword for me. Most actors tend to be conscious and competitive. I never bother about stealing scenes from co-stars or out-shining others. I have done a lot of stage shows all over the world. I discuss and disclose my ideas freely.'

Joining this growing group of celebrity narcissists are directors Ram Gopal Varma and Karan Johar. Ram Gopal, 46, who recently directed Amitabh in Sarkar Raj, was persuaded by the star to take up blogging, and started in May.

He said: 'At first I laughed off the very thought of starting my own blog. I kept wondering how Amitji (Amitabh) would sustain the blog on a day-to-day basis. Then I saw how passionately devoted he was to it. I grew interested.

'Besides, everyone who is worth anything these days is blogging. I couldn't be left out, could I?'

And Karan has launched The 36-year-old host of talk show Koffee With Karan told The Times Of India that he started blogging because he thought it would be a good way for him to express his thoughts on cinema and 'things that don't routinely get space in the traditional media outlets these days'.

He will be contributing his thoughts only once a week, and his staff will oversee his blog.

'I don't see myself blogging from my sets when I start shooting Khan (his new movie)... or when I'm abroad for my various events,' he said. 'And the blog isn't to discuss my daily routine or my sexuality, although both may crop up when the need arises. But I'm not turning blogger to blabber about my life. God knows I do enough of that on a daily basis.'

Writer Anil Dharker told the India Journal: 'Earlier, the stars had to go through an intermediary - be it a reporter or a TV interviewer... On a blog, they have complete freedom. It gives them an opportunity to clarify things or... settle scores.'

Surprisingly, Bollywood's biggest star, Shah Rukh doesn't have a blog. The only blogging he has done was on the Kolkata Knight Riders website - he owns the cricket team - during the Indian Premier League.

He said blogging 'falls within the realm of journalism' and he cannot be a journalist.

Heart-throb Hrithik Roshan also hasn't jumped on the bandwagon.

Local blogger Hafidz Abdul Rahman noted that most of the Bollywood celebrity bloggers were men, adding that fans would like to see female stars like Aishwarya, Kareena Kapoor and Mallika Sherawat get in on the act.

Said the LaSalle graduate, 20: 'I am sure they would have plenty to say, especially Kareena and Mallika, who certainly won't hold back.'

Friday, June 27, 2008

The passing of the hour

I have been putting off writing this post off for some time. It is still so difficult to write about the passing of Gin.

Last night, as I went to bed, I could not help but cry again. Frankly, I thought I had no more tears for Gin. But as I thought of her, my love for her, her love for me and how much I missed her presence, I could not help but weep.

SO was asleep. I was weeping softly in bed next to him. I did felt so alone. I know SO loved her also. And Gin did loved SO. She used to jump onto the sofa and rest her body on SO that sometimes she would ignored me. She did loved being touched by SO. And I felt sad that something like this would never happened again.

I set my alarm clock at 8am this morning. Somehow, I got the weird idea of reliving the passing of the very minute she passed on, 7 days ago.

I cried myself to sleep. And this morning, when the alarm rang, I was only half awake. Bell was outside the bedroom gate, barking and scratching the gate. I wanted to get out of bed to revisit the scene and minute, but I was too tired, too depressed. Would it have made a difference anymore? She is already ashes and dust. Not flesh, skin and fur no more.

I have not dreamed of her since her passing. Is it strange?

Oh, how I loved her and missed her so much. Food dun taste as well now that she is no longer in front of me when I eat, hoping to get some table scrapes. I missed sharing food with her. Little pieces of fishball, meat and veggies. I normally gave her most of my veggies cos she just loved it.

The last meal we shared together was the day before she died. I was eating dragon fruit. I gave her some. She loved it. Her appetite was still good. Who knows the next day, she would be gone. Taken from me forever.

She was such a loving being. When she was around me, I felt I was bathed in this golden aura of shower of intense love. No one could ever love me as she did. And no one will again ever loved me like she did. Not even my mother. And no one loved her like I did. And I think she knew it. I loved her more than I love SO. He knew it. I told him many times before.

With her gone, I felt so naked. Naked without a aura of love enclosing me. Unconditional love. Her love is the only love I ever want and need. No other.

Sigh...I am in tears again. But I am starting to feel better.

I hope you know how much I love thee.

Gin's 1st week anniversary

It has been a week since Gin passed away. Last week this time, she had came back from her walk and had been pacing the room.

It has been the most difficult week of my life. I am reliving the whole day before she died. I have never missed someone as dearly as I have missed her.

It is so painful. Could I have done something to prolong her life? If I had held her in my arms instead of letting her pace the room, could she have survived? But she struggled to be let down when I carried her then.

These days I kept looking behind me, sort of expecting her to be there. She is not there any more!

I have not cried for the last 2-3 days since. But I wanted to. I have been on the verge of tears many times.

Frankly, I find that this time I handled the grief better than when George, my first love, my pom died. Maybe I was all alone then and there is no one to share the grief. This time, there is SO to share the pain and the grief. I think I am taking this much better than I expected. When George died, I cried and mourned for 3 months. I cried constantly, almost everyday in my room. I was even depressed for 6 months.

I was expecting to go into depression. SO sort of expected it too. He's watching me like a hawk. Maybe he was expecting me to do something crazy and tragic to myself. He knows how much I love Gin. Maybe the truth has not hit me yet. I think I am either in denial or acceptance. I dun know which.

This time, being older and with someone by my side, the pain is lessened. My love for Gin is greater than my love for George. George was with me for 9 years. Gin was with me for 14 years 6 months. I knew Gin when she was a puppy a few weeks ago and we never left each other side since then. We were inseparable. Now we are separated.

The poem I posted a few weeks ago gave me great comfort. Do not stand by my grave and weep, I am not there. I have touched Gin's urn several times since it was brought back home, and even cried holding the urn. But I did know that she is not trapped in the urn.

She is somewhere, happy.


Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Technorati Profile

I have laid claim to this blog in Technorati.

Eat, Pray, Love

I saw this on Oprah...she was rather excited by this book and author, "Eat, Pray, Love " by Elizabeth Gilbert. The book is on the best seller lists for weeks and is highly raved.
The book is about one woman's spiritual quest to find herself. She sets on a quest to Italy where she ate pasta for 4 months, then she stayed in India where she prayed/meditated for another 4 months and finally she ended up in Bali to reconnect with a healer she met a year ago.

The author believed in universe something she call “The Physics of The Quest” – a force of nature governed by laws as real as the laws gravity or momentum. And the rule of Quest Physics maybe goes like this: “If you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting (which can be anything from your house to your bitter old resentments) and set out on a truth-seeking journey (either externally or internally), and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared – most of all – to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself….then truth will not be withheld from you.”

The 3 suggestions she gave Oprah at the end of the show:

1. Ask yourself what you really really really want. And answered it.
2. Write down the happiest moments of the day.
3. Refine your mantra.


Another book that Oprah recommends is "Love in the time of Cholera". She thinks it is one of the greatest love story of all times.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

In a daze

I have been in a daze since Gin died. I have been walking about listlessly. Wandering from room to room. Sometimes I even felt like Gin was as usual sitting behind in the background, watching me, waiting for me.

SO had taken leave yesterday to accompany to watch a movie and then go shopping. But once I am back home, I felt lost and disoriented. I have no more tears, just feeling a sad. I felt I had lost a great part of me.

Her ashes are now placed in the top of the book shelf. Frankly, I still could not believe that Gin is no more. I still could not believe that Gin is now only a bottle of ashes and dust, not a warm body of fur.

I still wake up every morning, searching for her by the bedroom door, expecting her to be there, waiting for me to wake up.

Where are you now, my love?

June - the month of Death

This has not been a very good month. This June to me is the month of death and the month is not over yet. I have already lost Gin, the love of my life.

Just found out that my former hair stylist lost his father on 18 Jun. He was 94. D was my hair stylist many years back and we lost contact after I stopped going to his place for haircut. Soon after, I found out the hair salon he was working in, had closed down. And so for a while, I had no information on D.

Recently, while searching for information on JNL's death, I chanced across D's blog. He is now a property agent who also freelances in makeup and hair services.

D dun blog often, but I have been keeping tabs of his posts. I have not contacted D yet cos I do not know what to say to him. We dun really have much in common and even when he was cutting my hair, there would be odd moments of silence.

Please dun let anyone die this month of June. There is only so much I can take.

How to peel a banana

I came across this Japanese video. Vulgar and gross, yet oddly, very funny.

Death of a Doctor Part 1

I was reading the papers today when I came across this article. I definitely remembered this case as an example of a young promising life destroyed by drugs then. I always wondered what happened to that doctor. And here is his ending.

When news came out 2 years ago of the high profile drug case, people were intrigued. There was sex, homosexuality, drugs, a young promising doctor, entrapment and the authorities. There were some who were enraged cos they see it as the government clamping down and targeting the the gay population.

But imagine, if he had never been caught, what would have happen? Would he have continued in his downward spiral of sex and drugs? Would he still able to function efficiently as a medical doctor?

I have known of some guys who were very into sex..and sometimes I think they tried softcore drugs to get a sexual high. It is an addiction that is not easy shaken off. Their lifes revolved around one fuck after another. They cannot stop. They are after that GREAT FUCK of their life. Everyday was eat, sleep, work and fuck. Are they happy? Is fucking so important that they constitute such a major part of their lives?

I am not sure if Dr Yeo was like that or what he was like.

But Dr Yeo was caught. And he was just damned unlucky. He was given a second chance which he appreciated. However, fate was not on his side. I am sure if he had live, he would have learnt from his mistakes and do great things.

So rest in peace, Dr Yeo.


The Straits Times
25 June, 2008


He becomes doctor, then dies suddenly After 8-month jail term, he was given chance to complete his housemanship; but he dies in hospital after short illness

By Teh Joo Lin & Judith Tan

A YOUNG doctor embroiled in a high-profile drug bust two years ago died on Friday, months after he looked to have turned his life around.

Dr Adrian Yeo See Seng, 29, was thrust into the limelight in 2006 when he walked into a drug sting at a Bencoolen Street hotel and was caught with methamphetamine, or Ice. In the court case that followed, the then-medical houseman claimed that he was only experimenting with the drug. He was jailed for eight months. When he finished his sentence, he vowed to clean up his life, become a physician and volunteer overseas.

'He was a good man - one who had a hard life and who, despite all the setbacks, achieved his dream of becoming a practising doctor,' a fellow physician wrote on his blog. According to the blogger, Dr Yeo began vomiting blood at home earlier this month and was taken to the intensive care unit at a hospital. He had been nursing a nagging cough from a viral chest infection that worsened in the past six weeks.

The blogger, who had befriended Dr Yeo when he was a houseman at the Singapore General Hospital (SGH), wrote that he may have been suffering from an 'intractable' form of idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura (ITP). The condition hinders the ability of blood to clot and can cause sufferers to bleed to death. He never regained consciousness.

Lawyer Kertar Singh, who represented Dr Yeo in court, said his late client had harboured dreams of becoming a physician and being 'useful to society and mankind' following his release from prison. The two had met over dinner after he was freed. 'He told me that, given the opportunity, he would go abroad and do volunteer service to help those in dire need: people in disaster- and epidemic-hit places,' Mr Singh told The Straits Times. Dr Yeo was given that chance in March last year, when the Singapore Medical Council allowed him to continue his housemanship after he was released from prison.

The council said that he had been an active volunteer since his release and cited glowing testimonials from his peers and doctors. Dr Yeo was a taxi driver's son who made good. He finished his housemanship at SingHealth hospitals at the end of last year. He worked at SGH between January and April this year before he was posted to the emergency department at the KK Women's and Children's Hospital last month.

Other colleagues expressed their feelings about the late Dr Yeo in their personal blogs. His family members, who had stood by him throughout his ordeal, declined to speak to reporters.


iWicked says: According to my research, the blog in question belongs to However, the author has since removed that post.


Channel NewsAsia
10 Mar 2007

Doctor allowed to continue housemanship after serving jail term

The Singapore Medical Council (SMC) has allowed a doctor to continue his housemanship, under supervision, for at least eight months after he was convicted for drug possession.

Dr Adrian Yeo See Seng, 27, had been a house officer with the National Healthcare Group for about five months when he was arrested in April last year. He had just finished serving an eight-month jail term.

The SMC said it had censured Dr Yeo and ordered him to give a written undertaking that he would not engage in such conduct again.Dr Yeo was also ordered to pay the costs of the disciplinary proceedings.

His Counsel said Dr Yeo had committed the offence when he was "extremely anxious" while waiting for the results of his examination. Dr Yeo had to re-sit that examination and had been under "tremendous stress", worried about the financial consequences he may have to bear should he fail.

His Counsel told the SMC's Disciplinary Committee that upon his release from prison, Dr Yeo has been an active volunteer and "maintains his passion for the medical profession". Dr Yeo also submitted testimonials from his peers and doctors who believe that he is able to function as a doctor again. The Committee said it considered all such factors, as well as his punishment and nature of offence, before allowing Dr Yeo to resume his housemanship. - CNA/de


The Straits Times
8 June 2006

Young doctor jailed eight months for possessing Ice

Downward spiral began when he experimented with gay sex and drugs

By Elena Chong

Taxi driver's son Adrian Yeo See Seng had a bright future as a doctor but the 27-year-old threw it all away when he experimented with sex and drugs. A district court heard yesterday that he spiralled downwards after he started engaging in homosexual sex with strangers he met over the Internet, and taking drugs.

He was caught when a man he chatted with online invited him for a sex session with a third man at a Bencoolen Street hotel. But the two strangers turned out to be undercover anti-narcotics officers who found drugs on Yeo when he arrived, and arrested him.

He was yesterday jailed for eight months after he had admitted to having a packet of 0.16g of methamphetamine or Ice at the Bencoolen Street hotel room on April 1. Three charges of possessing Ecstasy and ketamine were taken into consideration during his sentencing. He was initially charged with three counts of drug trafficking and one of possession.

Yeo attended The Chinese High School and Hwa Chong Junior College and, after national service, trained to become a doctor at the National University of Singapore. He signed a five-year bond for $400,000 to serve the Government and took a $66,000 bank loan to pay his way through university.

After graduating, he was posted as a houseman first to the National University Hospital last year and then to Tan Tock Seng Hospital in March this year. But his world came crashing down on April Fool's Day when Central Narcotics Bureau officers arrested him at Hotel 81 at about 3.45pm, and took an envelope containing crystalline substances in a plastic bag from his haversack. In his written plea for leniency, counsel Kertar Singh hoped his client could get probation and a second chance.

He said Yeo was consumed with a deep sense of guilt and shame. Mr Singh said Yeo's descent into sex and drugs began after he failed one of his final examination papers in March last year and had to re-sit the paper. He was devastated at failing. While anxiously awaiting the result of his second try, the counsel said, he poured out his sorrows to strangers over an Internet chatline for homosexuals.

Mr Singh said Yeo, who had been been attracted to males since he was a teenager, began engaging in gay sex with different partners - including strangers - and also started taking synthetic drugs for the first time. About a week before he was caught, Yeo chatted online with a man named Joe about sex and drugs.

On March 31, Mr Singh said, Joe said he had a friend named Jacob and asked if Yeo would be keen on having three-way sex. Joe also said he had some drugs and asked if Yeo had any. Yeo went to the hotel, but Joe and Jacob turned out to be undercover narcotics officers and he was arrested. District Judge Wong Keen Onn ruled out probation, saying Yeo was a mature adult who was not suffering from any mental disorder.

Mr Singh had objected to the manner in which Yeo was lured and arrested, but the judge said there was nothing to suggest that CNB officers had acted illegally or had gone beyond the boundary of the law. Yeo could have been jailed for up to 10 years or fined up to $20,000 or sentenced to both a jail term and fine for having drugs. Several family members, including his father and housewife mother, were in court yesterday, but they declined to speak to reporters.


The Straits Times
9 June 2006


Lawyers say narcotics officers crossed the line in quest to nab offender, but any method of entrapment is legal here

By Stephanie Yap

Passing time in an Internet chatroom one night, Adrian Yeo met a man called Joe. Over the following few days, Joe was quite persistent, sending him SMS messages asking if he had drugs, and if he wanted to meet up 'to have fun'.

According to Yeo's mitigation plea submitted in court, he refused the first few times. Eventually, the 26-year-old trainee doctor gave in and met Joe, and another man, Jacob, at a Hotel 81, on April Fools Day this year.

When he arrived at the hotel, he got a nasty surprise. Both men turned out to be undercover Central Narcotics Bureau (CNB) officers, who found 0.16g of methamphetamine on him. Arrested for drug possession, Yeo was sentenced to eight months in jail on Wednesday. The time in prison requires him to break a $400,000 five-year bond with the Government, and casts a shadow on his medical career.

CNB has often been known to employ the same methods it used to catch Yeo. Said CNB spokesman Amelia Oh 'CNB is aware that drug offenders use various means to conduct their illegal activities and have come across instances of some of them using the Internet to do so.

'Based on intelligence gathered and feedback received, CNB will monitor channels of information, including chatrooms, to detect and apprehend drug offenders.' Unlike countries such as the United States and Canada, where evidence gathered through 'excessive' entrapment can be thrown out of court, evidence obtained through any method of entrapment is lawful in Singapore.

Entrapment is often used when the authorities know an individual is committing an offence, but cannot catch him in the act, said retired police detective Lionel de Souza. 'It can be difficult to catch a person red-handed even if you already have information that he is breaking the law. 'In the case of drug possession, you can invite him to meet you and hope he arrives with drugs,' he said.

However, Yeo's lawyer, Mr Kertar Singh, argued that CNB officers overstepped a boundary. 'Yes, the whole exercise is not illegal, but in all fairness what was done by CNB was not appropriate. 'They went into the chatline and lured people in by saying certain things. An innocent, naive person might find himself in this kind of situation, then get caught,' he said.

According to Yeo's mitigation presented in court, he initially refused the undercover officer's requests to meet him. While he admitted to the officer he had drugs, he said they were for his own consumption only. Yeo finally accepted an invitation to meet Joe and Joe's boyfriend for sex at the Bencoolen Street Hotel 81 on April 1.

Joe told Yeo he had some Ecstasy, and asked if Yeo had drugs. Yeo said he would bring some. While lawyers agree some entrapment is necessary for law enforcement, they say officers should not tempt an otherwise unwilling person to commit a crime.

'I don't think officers should be encouraging people to commit offences. I'm very uncomfortable with that,' said Mr Peter Low, chairman of the Law Society's criminal practice committee. Mr Subhas Anandan, president of the Association of Criminal Lawyers of Singapore, agreed. 'Of course, a certain degree of entrapment should be allowed, otherwise you can't catch crooks. But they mustn't cross the line.' CNB did cross the line, in Mr Anandan's opinion, in a 2003 case in which insurance agent Teo Ya Lin was pressed by an undercover CNB officer to obtain an Ecstasy pill for him, promising to buy a big policy from her in return. Teo got him a pill, for which she was sentenced to six years and three months in jail.

'This girl had no intention of selling drugs until she was repeatedly persuaded by the officer. She would not under normal circumstances be a trafficker. The temptation is put forward,' said Mr Anandan. The veteran defence lawyer, who has personally seen three cases of excessive entrapment in the past year, believes it is a growing problem.

'It has come to a stage where people are talking about it. I can't give figures offhand, but the number is enough to be a little bit scary,' he said. The Association of Criminal Lawyers plans to put the entrapment issue to the Government in a paper it is preparing, which Mr Anandan estimates will be ready in a month or two.

Mr Low said the Law Society is not currently looking into the issue as it is working on capital punishment reform. 'However, entrapment law reform would be timely,' he said. Both lawyers point out that entrapment laws were revised in 2001 in Britain, on which Singapore models its legal system.

In an October 2001 landmark case, the House of Lords ruled that it was 'simply not acceptable that the state, through its agents, should lure its citizens into committing acts forbidden by the law and then seek to prosecute them for doing so'. The case involved Spencer Grant Looseley, who was approached several times by an undercover police officer who tried to get him to sell drugs.

Reform in Singapore may take a while yet, but Mr Anandan suggested in the meantime, judges can indicate in their verdict their dissatisfaction with the current entrapment laws, in the hope of inspiring legislative change. 'Parliament must do something. For the judiciary, their hands are tied as the law is very clear.'

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Life to ashes and dust

I was in the movies watching "Zohan" when my phone started to vibrate. The number was from that of the pet hospital. That can only mean that Gin has been cremated and her ashes are ready for collection. I did not answered the call and soon SO's phone started to vibrate. We gave SO's number as their point of contact cos I dun think I can talk about my Gin then. SO also did not answered and the call went to voice mail.

At that point, I just could not quite focus on the movie. I was in the dumps.

To be continued.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Someone else wants to cry

I was surfing online this morning when someone messaged me. He was someone whom I had chatted with occasionally. In fact, I was surprised that he messaged me. Sometimes I did snubbed people when I am not in the mood to chat, but today, I was feeling a bit generous....

luck: how are you?

iWicked: Hi...I am fine..u?

luck: I am ok, a little down though sometimes just wana cry but cant, a hug would do ;-)

iWicked: So what happen that made you want to cry? Work? personal? Actually, crying out could do you a lot of good. Dun hold it, just let it out.

luck: I am so tired, nothing seems to be going well.
work does not interest me. there is no love life everyone is looking for sex. i feel depressed all the time and i just need the one someone to say its all okay and it will be fine. ;-(

i am sure this is a passing phase and it will get better , i am just brooding for nothing . ;-) i am crying while talking to you so its working. thanks

iWicked: I lost a dear friend a few days back and i have been crying on and off these few days also.

I had depression before also and i found out sometimes if you let it out and cry, you will feel better...
frankly, there is love, you just have to know where to look for it. With your looks and status, i dun really see you having any problems in that area.

And's a phase, you are probably going through a bad patch right now....
everything will be better soon...Maybe you just need a holiday?

luck: You are so kind. I am so sorry about your friend. its very diff to let go of some one you dearly love and especially if they are no more in this world in body, but they are always there is soul and spirit. so cheer up i dont think your friend wants to see you sad and miserable.

thanks for talking i dont even know you or what you look like, but you helped me find some solace and i appreciate that.

you need angels along the long road while travelling and i guess you are one for me today. ;-)
thanks again .

iWicked: My suggestion to you is as long as you feel the need to cry, just cry...You dun have to cry in the presence of others. Crying in your own privacy is also very comforting.
And are welcome..,,and I am sure you will find someone you love someday. cheer up...

luck: haha...
No lah thats the least of my issues.
i am not typically looking for a partner and relationship and i hope i dont sound desperate. haha

iWicked: As for life, just dun think too much....sometimes when we think too much, too hard, depression creeps in...

luck: yes i agree.
Thanks .... going out to dinner now. hope to chat again.
take care and speak soon

1 minute of pleasure, 14 years gone

Read this in the papers. This guy raped a woman for 1 minute. But he spent the next 14 years paying for it. He had spent 7 years on the run in another country and the next 7 years in prison.
Is it even worth it? I am sure that he regretted that one minute and now has to spent the 14 years paying for it. Crime certainly does not pay.


The New Paper
22 June 2008

Man gets jail, cane for raping drunk colleague

THE rape lasted a minute and he will pay for it with seven years of his life

Andre Yeo

THE rape lasted a minute and he will pay for it with seven years of his life. He will be caned for it too.

Foo Chirk Leong, 30, had raped his friend and former colleague in a hotel room on 1 Dec 2001.

Yesterday, in the Subordinate Courts, he was jailed seven years and given sixstrokes of the cane. In his mitigation, which was not read in court, his lawyer Gloria James wrote that Foo, who knew the victim from working in the same hotel, had assumed she liked him. She had often called him and they chatted for 20 to 30 minutes each time. On 30 Nov 2001, they went to their old workplace for drinks and both got drunk.

A few hours later, when he could not find her, he tried calling her handphone. Court documents revealed she had taken a taxi, but had dozed off after vomiting into a plastic bag. As the cabby could not get her address, he stopped a passing police car. As Sergeant Vincent Tan was trying to verify her identity, her handphone rang. It was Foo, who told Sergeant Tan he was her boyfriend. He was asked to pick her up at the Jurong Police Division.

In his mitigation, Foo said he had initially hesitated, but felt he should send her home as they had gone out together. When he picked her up in a taxi, he asked her for her address, but she was too drunk, so he told the cabby to take them to the nearest hotel, which was Hotel 81 Orchid at Lorong 8 Geylang.

In the hotel room, Foo tried to clean her up as she had vomited again. But he got aroused while undressing her and raped her. Court documents revealed he had raped her for a minute.


Ms James urged the court to take into account that Foo was a first-time offender and was 24 at the time. He had also pleaded guilty. She said it was not a pre-meditated offence, but had happened when he had lost control of himself.

Ms James wrote that Foo had not spiked the victim's drink nor had he used violence against her. Foo also wrote a short letter of apology to his victim, which was included in his mitigation. His sentence was backdated to 17 Nov.


Man gets jail, cane for rape 7 years ago

He escaped to Malaysia after crime in 2001

The Straits Times
21 June, 2008

By Elena Chong, Court Correspondent

A NIGHT of heavy drinking back in 2001 left a 27-year-old woman so drunk, she hailed a cab and promptly fell asleep in it, without stating her exact destination. When she awoke the next morning, she found herself naked in bed in a Geylang hotel with her former colleague, with whom she had been drinking the night before.

A district court heard on Wednesday what happened in the intervening hours and closed the case by bundling the ex-colleague, Foo Chirk Leong, off to a seven-year jail term and six strokes of the cane for raping her on Dec 1, 2001.

He absconded to Malaysia after that and was arrested only last year. The court heard that when the taxi driver realised his passenger had dozed off, he called the police. It was while the police officer was going through the woman's belongings to verify her identity that Foo, then a 24-year-old bartender, called her cellphone. The police sergeant took the call and, believing Foo to be her boyfriend, asked him to pick her up from Jurong Police Division. Foo did so, and afterwards, took her in a cab to a hotel in Geylang, where he checked them into a room and raped her.

Deputy Public Prosecutor Ferlin Jayatissa said the woman had asked Foo out for drinks the night before, and had left the pub without his knowledge when she became drunk. Foo's lawyer Ms Gloria James said her client realised he had committed a serious offence and pleaded for leniency. He could have been jailed up to 20 years and fined or caned.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

The day after

It was the day after. Gin had passed away yesterday. I had woken up as usual and the first thing I did every morning was to look out the bedroom door. Only Bell was there. I was sort of expecting Gin to be there waiting for me to wake up, as she normally did every morning. I was hoping that her death did not happened and that all that happened yesterday was a bad dream.

I walked out of the bedroom, looking for her. I am still in denial. She was not anywhere. After my bath, as I was in the kitchen, preparing breakfast food for Bell, as I did every morning, SO said that as he came back from his morning walk with Bell this morning, he was sort of expecting Gin to be at the main door, waiting for them to come back. His eyes were red when he said this.

I started crying. I am so used to her presence that I was feeling so uneasy with her not around. She has always been around me, following me. Now she is no longer there and I cannot get used to it.

Frankly, I felt all my energy sapped, but I still had a medical appointment in the morning.

I went about all day, like a zombie and my every thoughts were of Gin.

To be continued.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Goodbye my love aka the saddest day of my life

Gin died this morning at 830 am.

She was breathless and panting like last night when i saw her this morning at 8am. I did not know if she had gotten any rest. She had been just walking about and pacing for such a long time.

And then she was lying down. Finally. But i dun see this as a good sign. I simply knew she was going. SO carried her in his arms. He said her heart was beating very fast and then it slowed down. Very slow heartbeat. She struggled to be put down. He put her down and she staggered to the kitchen and collapsed.

SO carried her again. He said her heart beat was very slow, almost hard to detect. I took her in my arms then. I couldn't feel her heart beat. Is she gone? I can still feel the warmth of her body. I held her very close to me.

Her eyes were blank and soon her body was twitching slightly. Her body was in a mild spasm. Her tongue rolled out and there were these faint droplets of pinkish blood water dripping from her mouth. I just knew she was going to leave me today.

Her body gave a final few twitches and she was gone. I felt the lower part of my body getting wet on the kitchen floor where I had sat. As she had passed away, her muscles gave way. Her bladder let go and dark color urine flowed out onto me. Her feces also leaked out into the floor.

It was rather peaceful as compared to the few times last few weeks, when she fainted on the floor, screaming and whining in a blood curdling scream.

I held her in my arms for a few minutes, crying my heart out. I felt so sad and terrible. My love had died. I did not want to move at all. I just wanted to sit on the kitchen floor and remained there forever.

Finally I placed her in the living room, on her cushion bed. SO took a piece of cloth and wiped her clean. Her feces seemed to flow out non stop. Yet she still felt so warm. She looked like she was sleeping. Her eyes were opened. I stroked her fur for a while. I could not believe she is gone. Is she gone or just sleeping? How could it be?

I was still crying as I took a quick bath. I found her my big old comforty T shirt and placed her inside. SO wanted to bring her to the vet/crematorium just like that. I insisted that he placed her in her favorite red doggy carrier bag.

I started crying again as I thought of the times she would just jumped inside the red bag as soon as we had took it out from the cabinet. She was just smart enough to know we were bringing her out each time we took out that bag. And once she saw that bag, she would just jumped in and refused to leave until we brought her out.

But this time, she was just lying there. She would never jumped into the bag again and this would be the very last time she would be using the bag. That made me sad and weep.

On the way to the car we had leased for the day, we were surprised by how heavy she was dead. When she was alive and inside the carrier bag, she dun seemed that heavy. But today, she seemed heavier than before. Her body weight was about 1.5 times normal.

I was in sun shades, crying all the way to the carpark. I did not want people to see me this way.

SO was hungry. And since Gin was dead, there was no hurry to the vet. I told SO that he could have his breakfast if he made it quick. But I had no appetite. I watched as SO finished his dry fishball noodles. I wished I could stretched time so I could spent more time with Gin, even though she is dead. I would never get back this moments again. My last moments with Gin.

At the carpark, I suddenly wanted to get a pair of scissors. I wanted to have some of her fur and paw nails as a memento. But I did not have any scissors with me. I insisted that SO drove me back home. I just wanted some parts of her last fur and nails. To remember her by.

I remained in the car as SO went back up into the house to get the scissors. I was stroking her. She was starting to lose her warmth. All these felt so unreal. Like some bad dream or rather nightmare that I could not wake up. How I wished all these were not real. I am just losing my love and crying my heart out.

The car was too narrow to trim parts of her fur. We got out of the car, went to the void deck near by and placed her on some stone table. We sat there, trimming her fur from her ears, body and legs. She just lied there, not moving. I still could not believed she is dead. I am in denial.

We also trimmed her nails. When she was alive, she really dun like us to touch her nails. Every time we needed to trim her nails was a struggle. She would struggle so much. SO remembered that and remarked on that. But now she laid docile, letting us trimmed her nails. It was by then 11am when we finished.

We went back to the car. SO could not started the car even after numerous retries. After about half an hour, he called the car agency. The agency said he could collect another car from the base or replaced the key and try the car again. We took the first option and carried Gin in her red bag back to the carpark.

We were finally on the way to the vet/crematorium. Gin had by then died 3 hours plus. I was just stroking and caressing her body. Her body was not so warm by then. It was getting colder. She was like this big toy dog lying in the bag. As the car got closer and closer to the vet, I felt panicked. The moment was coming where I would never see her or touch her again. And that moment filled me with dread.

As SO parked the car, I told him I wanted some photos. I always took photos of her alone cos I really dun like taking photos. But this was the last time we could take photos together. So we spent some time in the car park taking photos with Gin. Our final photos.

I told SO that he had to speak to the counter about the cremation options and whatever. I could not bear to speak her name out aloud. This would make me cry.

Basically there was 3 cremation options. The first is common cremation without ashes. It costs $160.50. By common, what they actually meant is that they put all the pet carcasses together, cremated together and they disposed of the ashes.

The next is common cremation with ashes. The cost is $214. They cremated several pets at one time, but each pet is partitioned from each other. They collected the separate ashes and placed them in individual urns.

The last option is single cremation. The cost is $545. For this, you can choose to view the cremation process, invite friends, all at your own time and date preference.

I chose the common cremation with ashes, cos I did not wanted her to be afraid of being alone during cremation. Yeah, I knew she was dead, but somehow I did not want her to face the cremation process alone. I would have chosen the single cremation, but I did not think I could face the cremation and the thought of her being cremated at that moment.

SO made the necessary payments and arrangements. The counter gave him a death certificate for Gin, to send to the authorities to cancel her licence. I placed the bag on the weighing machine. The weight was 6.45 kg.

At the reception counter, a girl asked SO if the dog was with us and if we could hand it over the counter. I started crying then. I really could not help it. There were only 2 other owners with their dogs at the animal clinic that day.

The counter girl on seeing me cry, suggested that we brought it to room 5. We carried Gin to room 5 and placed her on the metal table. I started sobbing again as I saw the girl went to take a black trash bag. Thinking of her in a trash bag and later in the freezer for a few days till cremation made me very sad.

I was crying loudly as I bidded farewell to my love. My heart was just breaking. This was the final departure. Who knows if we would ever meet again. I gave her a final hug and stroked her body for the very last time. SO did so too. And we turned and left the room. I was crying all the way to the car, tears just flowing and flowing. I did not care who saw me cry. I was beyond that.

Later, SO would tell me that when the girl saw me cry at the counter, she was alarmed and thus suggested we go to room 5. And when she saw me crying as she was ready to put Gin into the bag, she was a bit embarrassed and retired for a while to let us say our last good byes.

I was just crying all the way to the hospital for my blood test. Frankly, I was not in the mood to do anything except curl up and die. But SO insisted and I was just too depressed to object.

Goodbye, Gin my love. I thanked you for the wonderful memories and the happy times we spent together. You are forever, the best love of my love and I will love you forever. And I will never forget you.

I hope that you rest in peace and be happy now in where ever you are as you were with me.

Still sad

It is now 3am. She is still pacing the room. Her condition appeared to have stabilised. I took out my camera and video recorder and took photos and videos of her. I wanted something to remember her by. But mostly, I wanted her to live. I would have trade 10 years of my life, if she could have survive just another year or so.

Does she know what is happening? Is she disoriented? I think my presence and the lights in the room is preventing her from resting and sleeping. I gave her several long hugs. She refused her favorite snacks that I offered her. She only rejected her snacks when she is sick.

Will she still be there when the sun rises? I switched off the lights and went to the bedroom. I cannot sleep. I dun think I have any more tears tonight.

But as I lay there thinking of her, I cannot help but cry again.

Thursday, June 19, 2008


At the end of today's walk with Gin, she moved sideways across to some bushes, stood up on her hind legs and collapsed. I lifted her up and carried her immediately. She was so limp like a rag doll. I was so afraid that she would die there that very moment. I carried her all the way home. She is still able to walk after that at home. She has been walking around the house, her tongue hanging out, breathing and panting heavily.

The vet did mentioned before that her wind pipes were narrowing and her heart enlarged so I think she is breathing mostly through her mouth. Usually she would lie down prone on the floor but she is now just walking and walking around in big circles all over the house.

I feel so sad and helpless. Is this her very last night? Frankly I just do not know what to do. What can I do? Is she suffering? Does she know what is happening to her?

I have been caressing and stroking her cos I am so afraid that I would never have aother chance to do so any more. I cannot help crying. 15 years may seem a long time but it is actually such a short period for us to be together. I cannot sleep. I am so afraid that she would be gone when I awake. So afraid that I would never see her again.

So sad. Feeling so sad. I am losing a part of me. Part of me is dying.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Monks and Hair

Why must monks shave their hair?

Monks are to be indifferent to worldly temptations. So what do they have to keep their hair?
The body is only a shell. A bald head is a departure from having too much love for your body.

Buddha says think not of yourself, humans, the masses or the immortals. Everything around us is an illusion. Trouble comes with being oversensitive.

One is too sensitive about how people look at oneself, sensitive about whether one looks good, sensitive about too many matters and things.

Trouble follows only when one's mind is distracted. Those who know how to let go will have less problems.

Gin coughing

Gin has been coughing more frequently. From 2-3 coughs a day, it has increased to 8-10 times or more. Her appetite is still good, she still wants her snacks and food. And she did not faint or roll over when she went for a walk yestersday.

Frankly, I have accepted the fact that she is old and her life is almost over. And yet I am unable to let go.

SO made an appointment with the vet on Friday morning, before my blood test.

Everyday, to me is like her last.

The Italian Banker

On the series, "Dirty sexy money", there was mention of "Italian Banker", a sexual position.

I was intrigued and did a search online and this was what I found:

Italian banker sexual position
The man is laying down, facing up. The woman is above him, also facing up. Sorta like a crab walk, just above him. She would use her hands to remain above. Possibly referred to as Italian chandelier, could be same .

In the 1960's a pornographic film made in Europe was released. It was generally run of the mill and seemed to mimic most of its genre. However one scene was a stand-out regarding a bank president and the office-affair he was having with his secretary. It may or may not have been the first of its kind to show up on film but the secretary is standing completely naked in front of the banker who is seated. She bends forward and downward to provide oral-sex. The scene is shot from behind her and below and although the position has been repeated countless times since it has always been known in the adult-film industy as "the Italian Banker".

Italian banker sex position burns 912 Calories This must be a list for women only because missionary only burns 12 calories. Anyway, in this position the female definitely is a busy person. She lies on her partner (facing upward) and arches her back to allow penetration. Then she has to do a crab-like back-bendy motion to get the motion going.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Oral sex

Oral sex cartoon..... Geee....what were you expecting?

Monday, June 16, 2008

My dying love

Gin, the love of my life, my beloved terrier is dying. She is about 15 years old this year, a grand dame in doggy years. I had her since she was a few weeks old and she had been with me for most of these years. Except for the few years I moved away from home. But once I had my own place, I moved her back to stay with me.

She has always been a loving, patient little doggie. My previous dog, a Pomeranian lived only to about 10 years of age. So 15 years has been a blessing.

Since the beginning of the year, Gin has been showing signs of her age. There were a few occasions she collapsed after coughing. Her coughing has been getting worse. We had a heart ray done and the vet said she had a heart problem and that her windpipes were narrowing. All these are signs of aging. Other than giving her anti-biotic to help relaxed her pipes and cough syrup to sooth her throat, the vet said nothing can be done.

Frankly, I dun quite expect her to live beyond the year. Everyday, I live in fear of the moment that she would breathe her last.

Just this evening, as I was bringing her for a walk, she staggered and I had to carry her. She went all limp and soft, her energy all gone. But back home, she managed to recover.

She has been panting and smiling at me these few nights and it bloody hell scared me and freaked me out. And it broke my heart to see her this way.

Just a few days ago, on a walk, she just collapsed on the floor and gave a blood curdling cry that can be heard for miles. Frankly, I thought, that's it, finally and it really scared me to hell and back.

One of my worse nightmares was that I have lost her. There were several nightmares I had where she gone all missing and I cannot find her. I always woke up in tears and sweating and the first time I did was check she is still around and not missing.

Gin had a good life. If I am a dog, I want to be her. She was loved, had good food, good company, and a great life. I just dread the day that she would be taken from me and go to doggie heaven.

I am going for a blood test this friday and I did consider taking her to the vet since we lease a car for the day. But can the vet do anything? She is already at her end of her years. 15 years is really quite an old ripe age for canine.

I was also thinking of bringing her to the groomer after the vet, but I am so afraid that she would collapse and just drop dead at the groomer.

SO refuses to let me take her to the vet on Friday cos I have a medical appointment on Saturday. It is the day the doctor would test my blood level to access if my liver condition has worsen. SO is afraid that if she dies at the vet or groomer, I would not turn up for the medical appointment.

My heart is heavy. Gin is the love of my life, she is my sister, best friend and daughter, Frankly, I do not know what to do without her around.

Prince Caspian

Yesterday, I finally got to watch "Prince Caspian". We had been waiting to catch this move for weeks now, but I was sick, or was too tired or SO was too busy.

Anyway, SO was more excited this show than I was. I had read the Narnia series books about 5 times and while I really enjoyed the books, I was afraid the movies cannot do justice to the books.

The first Narnia movie, "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" followed the book quite closely and it was real cool to have something you read come alive in the form of a movie.

Well, the Narnia books cannot be compared to the "Lord of the Rings" book series. I have tried reading the Ring books and I gave up after the very first chapter. It was reading for very mature adults and the material was rather dry.

The Narnia series on the other hand was written more for children. It's language and writing style is so simple, that it is almost laughable by today's standards. One thing I dun like about the Narnia series is that there is a very strong underlying element of religion within the context. In certain parts, the books sounded almost too preachy. Frankly, I find that in certain portions of the stories, excessive Christian theological concepts are incorporated that it almost become a Christian fairy tale. But I did enjoyed the stories enough to read it more than 5 times and at least 2 of the times, when I was no longer a child but an adult.
Prince Caspian
"Prince Caspian" the movie was not quite what I had expected. Basically, I can still remembered the story. Prince lead rebellion, blow the horn to summon the 4 children, 4 children arrived, gathered Narnia troops, fight big battle. Of course, some where in between Aslan appeared.

So i was a bit shocked when some extra scenes appeared in the movie. I dun remember reading about the raid at the castle. I dun quite remember the duel between Peter and the other King.

And Prince Caspian sounded foreign, with a thick European accent, like Antonio Bandaras leaning to speak English.

Overall, I find the movie okay but a bit slow though. The movie was not a direct theatrical adaptation of the book. After the Hollywood treatment, the movie is now "based" on the book, meaning that Hollywood has added modern elements as to what they think will make the story better and appeal to contemporary audience. Even SO was saying that this movie as compared to the prior one is less preachy and "religious".
The most popular character of the entire movie was not Prince Caspian, nor any of the 4 children, but Reepicheep, the mouse. Every time, he appeared, audience in my cinema cheered or laughed. And yes, he would be back in the next Narnia movie. (I read the book, remember)

Frankly, I have dug out my Narnia series and started reading "Prince Caspian" again. The language is even simpler than I expected, that it's almost like I am reading Enid Blyton, another favorite childhood author of mine.

I offered to let SO read the Narnia series but he said no thanks, he's not interested, he's just interested in watching the movie, not reading the book.


There is an interesting theme song towards the end of the movie that's rather touching.

The Call by Regina Spektor

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
Til it was a battle cry

I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never
Been this way before

All you can do is try to know
Who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye..

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
Til they're before your eyes

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Going Retro

I was at the Gramophone music shop, waiting for the movie, "Prince Caspian" to start. There were lots of these contemporary CDs available, yet these days I find myself going retro.

Recent music bores me. I had a listen to Madonna. "Hard Candy" but those songs just dun appeal to me. Maybe they would after a second listen?

Browsing through, I came across "The best of Chaka Khan". Frankly, I had never bought any of her CD before. Of course, I know who she was. A black chick with a great voice. Since the CD was on sale and costs only $9.95, I thought, why not?
I looked through the song lists and the only song I recognised was "I am Every Woman", which Whitney Houston covered.

Since I am buying retro, I thought I might as well be looking for Aretha Franklin. I never bought her CD either, but I did know the song, "RESPECT". There were 2 Aretha's CD, one of which was only love songs, and another, Her best....but neither included "RESPECT". I couldn't find any other Aretha's CD. Well, maybe another day.

Then as I was walking towards SO for him to make payment, I saw "ABBA Number Ones". It was a China parallel import version and it costs $11.95. Frankly, I dun really mind any version or any type of import. Made no difference after I transfered them to my Ipod and phone.
I have heard of Abba before, but i always thought they were rather cheesy and corny. I remembered a classmate in school who was an Abba fan. He owned all the albums and could practically sing all the songs. Yeah, i found him to be corny and cheesy, especially at the time, the top bands were Spanadu Ballet, Depeche Mode and Pet Shop Boys. I did felt that his taste in music to be rather old fashioned and conservative.

But now, retro is back. Along with modern singers like Amy Winehouse and Duffy, who sounded retro.

And yeah...I am transfering them to my Ipod and phone soon.

Since I am going retro, I am searching for Dusty Springfield next. I guessed I am just fashionably slower in taste than anyone else when it comes to music.


By the way, Gramophone is having a warehouse sale. They have about 100,000 DVDs/Vinyls (from $3) and CDs (from $1)
Date: July 4, 5, 6
July 4 is only for Gramophone VIP customers/UOB-Singtel Platinium Cardholders as well as SAFRA members.

Location: SAFRA Tampines, Multipurpose Hall
11am to 9 pm

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Passing the Dream

When women become mothers. their life priorities change.

I was watching this TV show on celebrities mothers. Yeah I watched all kind of trashy shows. I taped such shows and practically fast forward them. So out of 30 mins, I would watch about 10 mins real time.

Well, the celebrity mum being interviewed was DS. She was a former neighbour of mine when I was living in Newton. She and her boyfriend (now husband) JL were living a few floors up. We had seen them around but we never spoke.

JL her boyfriend was a rather famous and hunky actor turned banker when he was at the prime of his career. We met JL on our very first day of moving in. We were driving in with our truckful of stuff, in our dirty clothes, sweating and smelling like pigs and who came to "greet" us at the carpark but JL. We were speechless but if the area was good enough for celebrities, it should be good enough for us.

As for DS, she was a actress turned TV host(ess)/journalist. We met her a few times at the lift lobby, and even shared the lift, sometimes alone, sometimes with her dog, "Pepper". We never spoke to one another, cos both SO and I were rather shy. Personally I dun feel we should fawn over celebrities. They are also humans after all. As for SO, it's a different case. Every time, he see a celebrity, he would whisper their name, rather loudly.'s pretty embarrassing, though I am indifferent to them.

Anyway, on the show, DS, who was no longer in show business after the birth of her son, but now running her own PR company, said that she used to be very ambitious. She wanted to be at the top of her field (which she did) and even wanted to travel to Hong Kong or China to become a top journalist there. But after the birth of her son, everything changed. Her son is now her top priority. As for her ambitions and dreams, her children can do that for her. She is passing the dream.

When women give birth, their life change. Everything is now about their children. They, the women, dun exist any more. Self does not exist. Only their next generation. Their maternal instincts took over.

I told SO before, the female species can be so "pitiful" and sacrificial at times. For the first 15 years of their lives, they live for their parents. The next 10 to 15 years, some would live for themselves. But then if they got married and have children, the next decades till they die belong to their children. Whatever dreams, ambitions, aspirations they have now are now passed on to their children, their next generations, their clones.

Unless of course, you dun get married or dun have children, only then would you have to live out your own dreams, cos there are no one to pass them to.

Passing the dream is thus something only mothers would understand. And one would never know or understand unless one become a mother. And yet, mothers find all these sacrifices so worthwhile.

Friday, June 13, 2008

The PC Show 2008

I arranged with SO to go to the PC show this afternoon. SO was reluctant to go cos his boss was on leave and he's covering for her. He claimed he was very busy and had meetings all lined up all day.

You dun know how many threats I have to whip out to get him to go along. I told him if you dun go to the PC show with me, I am going to splurge on whatever I want. And that includes a top of the line laptop, a playstation, and maybe even a video camera.

SO left his office at 2:30pm and he was just grumbling about how he had no breakfast and no lunch. That little bitch was just whining and complaining how hungry he was. That bitch needs to eat several times a day and if he skipped a meal, he can be extremely bitchy and sourface! Not like me, I can skip breakfast and lunch and yet I dun feel hungry.

Anyway, I told him that if the food court below the PC show center was not that crowded, he could have his lunch there. But when i reached there, that place was packed! There was not a empty table in sight.

I sms SO that he could buy fruits as a snack to fill his stomach and then i went to the fruits counter. The fruits there were so expensive. Everything was 2 to 3 times more expensive than elsewhere. A piece of honey dew or papaya which normally cost $0.60 to $0.80, costs $1.50 there. Yeah, i think it is daylight robbery. SO said he would never eat there cos everything is so double priced.

The PC show was crowded.....there was barely room to move, there were hordes and hordes of bargain hunters hustling for space.

With a hungry and grouchy bitchy SO in company, I dare not linger too long to window shop. Luckily, I am the type of person who know what I want. I had read the PC show paper supplements that comes with the newspaper and did my research online. I also had checked out the booth number of the stuff I wanted.

I wanted a micro SDHC 8Gb memory card for my Nokia N95 phone and a Creative Xmod. And maybe a Canon MP610 printer.

So we wandered about a while first to get our feel, before zooming in the the Sandisk booth, Level 6, B1812. There were 2 types of micro SD card on sale. The normal 8Gb version cost $65, the ultra mobile version cost $72.
It was a steal! The papers advertised the price as $105 and this is $32 cheaper than I expected! And at least $50 cheaper than elsewhere. So I sent off SO to queue and make payment as I wandered about a bit.

It was just too crowded to really browse. I have a great phobia for crowd and people. Lots of people. I started to sweat and my breathing became difficult. I started to make my way to the queue where SO was. I did took a few photos on the way back there. I would post it up once I load it up into my phone.

After SO had made payment, we walked around Hall 6, without realising that we had forgot to take part in the Sandisk lucky draw, which came with every memory card purchase. Not that the prizes were that fantastic, but still freebies after all. Damn!

One other thing that I was looking for was PSP games. We searched high and low and did managed to find a small isolated booth selling games. Some PSP games were on offer, one for $39, three for $99. There wasn't any games I really wanted, so we left after a quick browse.

Next, we went down to the 4th level, Hall 4. This was where all the major brands are; Canon, Creative, Samsung, Acer etc. The only thing I wanted from here was the Creative Xmod. The usual price was $139. Sale price was $69 and it came with a free Zen USB adapter.

Creative was at one corner of Hall 4, Booth A 1801.There wasn't much customers around and the cashier queue was practically empty. Actually I was not quite sure whether I wanted to buy Xmod, cos I was not sure if I would actually use it. The purpose of the Xmod is that it functions like an external soundcard, making low fidelity, xtreme fidelity. It is suppose to make MP3 sound better than CDs and turn stereo music and movies into virtual surround. So I thought, why not, since there were some great reviews on the item and it was on sale!

I was also looking for a printer/scanner and had decided on Canon Pixma MP620, which costs $338 and weigh 10 kg. SO was in a bitchy mood. He said, you buy it, you carry it. I told him it comes with a free trolley and he can pretend to be a air steward lugging his luggage. He rolled his eyes.

I was still considering as to whether I wanted a printer cos I had just managed to make space in my study room for a printer. But then my laptop memory space is more than half gone. With only 80Gb memory space, I had only about 40Gb space left, rendering the laptop sluggish at times.

So finally I made the decision to NOT buy the printer at this fair, but at the next IT fair, which would be probably 6 months later. I still like the Canon MP620, but I think there would be other better grade printers at better price few months down the road.

And I told the bitch SO that I needed to buy a new laptop first, before getting a new printer/scanner. He said, okay....want to buy now? I told him, nope, not now but soon. And I want a better laptop, one that comes with at least 3 Gb RAM, 320 Gb storage space. Now that model retails for about $2300 and if we pay by istallments, it comes out to be about $100 per month for 24 months.

I am so getting a brand new laptop this year!

SO was now whining about how hungry and faint he was. I told him I wanted to take some more photos. I left him at the entrance and made my way along the side of the Hall and snapped several photos.

After that, we made our way down to the food court at Suntec. It was crowded but there were still empty seats. He had curry vegetables and rice for lunch and I had fish curry and rice.

After lunch, we made our way to Marina to take a bus back and on the way, that BITCH made me draw $140 to pay him back. Normally, he would pay for such things, but today, that whiny bitch insisted that I have to pay him back for what I bought today!

Normally, I would paid back what i bought, but I dun pay full price, I paid either 50% or 80% of whatever I bought for myself. And if the bitch was in a good mood, he would waive the payments. But this time, he said I wasted his time, and thus wanted me to pay for the full sum! He even lead me to an ATM!

Frankly, I was not in a good mood either. I hate shoppping with grouchy, whiny people and SO can be a real bitch at times when we are not shopping for him.

So I withdrew $130, intending to pay him only $100 and leaving only $30 for my personal use. No way, I was going to pay him $140. Dream on, Bitch!

He gave me $10 change back, cos he really thought I was paying $150. Ha! How stupid can he get? I told him, I should only pay him $70 cos the price of the micro SD card should be paid by him, since the phone and card would be his in a few months time anyway. He rolled his eyes.

In the end, I paid him $120, leaving only $10 for myself.


As we reached Marina, I told him John Little was having a 20% storewide sale and I wanted to grabbed some stuff. I informed him that we would either visit it today or over the weekend.