Last night I was playing Psp game, Monster Freedom Hunter 2.0 when my thoughts drifted to Gin.
I did tried not to think of her but the thoughts just came fast and strong. And the realisation that she is dead struck me strongly. And I started crying again. I couldn't help it at all. My tears just kept pouring.
This time, the crying woke SO. He complained that I woke him from his sleep and asked me what happened. I could not mentioned Gin's name. Not since her death. He asked if I was thinking of Gin. Immediately, I hushed him. I was not ready to talk about Gin that very moment.
And then he said...Gin would always be with us.
I told SO...shaking my head...Not now....
And THAT IDIOT went back to sleep IMMEDIATELY.
That bitch can just fall asleep at the snap of a finger!
Well, what was I expecting? Kind words? Frankly, today, I finally understood that words, no matter, how kind their intentions, are sometimes best not spoken in times of mourning.
Yeah, I thought what SO said was crap! What "always be with us"? I would rather have her with us, warm body and all, rather than ashes and all. I would not feel her always with us. I just felt her GONE! NO MORE!
I suppose a hug or some hands holding from SO would be nice. Sometimes words are simply not enough.
But I suppose, at that time, I was also not ready to be touched. And if SO had initated some form of touching, I would have pulled and jerked away immediately.
And this reminded me of a time when George, my pom died, many years back. I was also crying. And my mother heard me. I went out to the kitchen to get a drink, and she tried to give me a hug or to hold my hands. I pulled off and locked myself inside my room. I was not ready to be touched at that time.
Frankly, if this is the way I behaved during mourning, I dun know how people behaved during mourning. Words can sound too unfeeling and superficial. And some people just want to be left alone.
So frankly, now that I understand how someone in mourning feels, I really dun know how to behave during funerals except to tread softly and cautiously.
I did tried not to think of her but the thoughts just came fast and strong. And the realisation that she is dead struck me strongly. And I started crying again. I couldn't help it at all. My tears just kept pouring.
This time, the crying woke SO. He complained that I woke him from his sleep and asked me what happened. I could not mentioned Gin's name. Not since her death. He asked if I was thinking of Gin. Immediately, I hushed him. I was not ready to talk about Gin that very moment.
And then he said...Gin would always be with us.
I told SO...shaking my head...Not now....
And THAT IDIOT went back to sleep IMMEDIATELY.
That bitch can just fall asleep at the snap of a finger!
Well, what was I expecting? Kind words? Frankly, today, I finally understood that words, no matter, how kind their intentions, are sometimes best not spoken in times of mourning.
Yeah, I thought what SO said was crap! What "always be with us"? I would rather have her with us, warm body and all, rather than ashes and all. I would not feel her always with us. I just felt her GONE! NO MORE!
I suppose a hug or some hands holding from SO would be nice. Sometimes words are simply not enough.
But I suppose, at that time, I was also not ready to be touched. And if SO had initated some form of touching, I would have pulled and jerked away immediately.
And this reminded me of a time when George, my pom died, many years back. I was also crying. And my mother heard me. I went out to the kitchen to get a drink, and she tried to give me a hug or to hold my hands. I pulled off and locked myself inside my room. I was not ready to be touched at that time.
Frankly, if this is the way I behaved during mourning, I dun know how people behaved during mourning. Words can sound too unfeeling and superficial. And some people just want to be left alone.
So frankly, now that I understand how someone in mourning feels, I really dun know how to behave during funerals except to tread softly and cautiously.
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